liveblog: CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME

Posted on May 4, 2010 by Alex Leavitt
Categories: Uncategorized

CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME

MATTHEW GASTEIER (FU PENGUIN)
JESSICA AMASON (THIS IS WHY YOU’RE FAT)
CHRISTOPH ONO (CORNIFY)
MARK LITTLE (PICNICFACE + POWERTHIRST)
MIKE RUGNETTA (MEMEFACTORY) [MODERATOR]

LET’S FACE IT: CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME ON THE INTERNET. WHY IS THIS THE CASE? WHY’S “THE MOST EXTREME” NEAR AND DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE WEBS? WHAT ARE THE WEIRD EXPERIENCES THAT COME OUT OF CREATING AND CURATING THAT KIND OF STUFF?

Recorded by: @flourish & @andthengensaid
Edited by: @alexleavitt

NOTE: This is not a full transcription of the panel. If you have any corrections, please contact alex@roflcon.org.

EDITOR’S NOTE: SORRY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE NOTATION OF ‘PIZZA’ IS FOR, SO WAIT FOR THE VIDEO!

GENERAL CHATTER: SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THERE IS A MAN IN A UNICORN SUIT HERE. HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S A MAN? THE TIE.

MIKE: MY NAME IS MIKE RUGNETTA. I AM PART OF MEME FACTORY. WITH ME MARK LITTLE, WHO YOU MIGHT KNOW FROM PICNICFACE, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A LITTLE KNOWN VIDEO IT IS CALLED POWERTHIRST. HE IS ALSO A TOURING STAND UP COMIC HE HAS ALSO PUBLISHING A BOOK CALLED SOMETHING OR OTHER?

MARK: UH IT’S COMING OUT MAYBE SOON IN CANADA AND MAYBE NEVER DOWN HERE. MAYBE.

MIKE: HE HAS ALSO JUST FINISHED PUTTING THE TOUCHES ON POWERTHIRST 3.

MARK: I WAS SAYING ‘YEAH!’ AND SOME PEOPLE WERE REALLY EXCITED AND OTHER PEOPLE WERE LIKE “LET AN OLD MEME DIE!” NO, IT’S CALLED POWERMOST. I HAD LIKE A BRIEF WHAT I WOULD CALL, IT’S A REALLY OFFENSIVE VIDEO AND I’M GLAD I DIDN’T CALL IT WAS I WAS GOING TO CALL IT.

MIKE: JESSICA IS THE FOUNDER AND CREATOR OF THIS IS WHY YOUR FAT. NEXT TO HER WE HAVE MATTHEW WHO IS FROM FU PENGUIN, HE HAS RECENTLY TOLD ME THAT HE DOES NOT ACTUALLY HATE TINY CUTE ANIMALS SO THAT HAS DASHED EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW ABOUT HIM, I HAVE NO WAY TO RELATE WITH THIS MAN.

MATTHEW: NOW THAT YOU’VE REVEALED THAT, I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO SAY. THE SURPRIZE HAS BEEN RUINED, I’M SORRY.

MIKE: AND THERE IS CHRISTOPH WHO IS THE MASTER OF PUTTING UNICORNS ON THINGS THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW NEEDED UNICORNS ON THEM AT CORNIFY. SO WE’RE GONNA WATCH SOME VIDEOS BY THESE PEOPLE…

[VIDEOS SLOWLY SHOW UP TO THE SOUND OF AUDIENCE CHEERING A LOT]

MIKE: SO MARK, WHY DON’T YOU TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT POWERTHIRST WHILE WE OH SAVED BY THE VIDEO.

MIKE: SO I WAS WONDERING WHAT THE GENERAL INSPIRATION WAS, WHAT POWERTHIRST MEANS TO YOU.

MARK: YEAH OK I FIND MEN’S ADS HILARIOUS SO IT KIND OF COMES FROM THAT. I’M A PRETTY NERDY GUY BUT I’M A BIG SPORTS FAN AND ALL THE ADS ON THAT ARE VERY INTERESTING WHERE I’M JUST A WEIRD UNGENDERED BEAST. I’M WHAT YOUR FRIENDS MIGHT CALL A CRAZY FAG I FYOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY CALL OUR OF CAR WINDOWS AND I’M JUST ENTHRALLED BY THE IDEA THAT THEY’LL SELL THINGS BY BEING LIKE HERE’S A RAZOR GUYS AND WHY USE THIS ONE BHALLL HERE’S A JET OH OKAY THAT’S TOTALLY THE RIGHT RAZOR FOR ME.
WHAT ABOUT THIS DEODORANT WELL LOOK AT THIS CHEETAH FUCKING THIS FERRARI!!!! JUST THIS HILARIOUS IDEA OF SELLING OF AGGRESSION AND THEN ENERGY DRINKS MARKETING THIS VAGUE CONCEPT OF ENERGY, LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO DO WITH THIS ENERGY? WELL, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? I WANNA HAVE 400 BABIES! AND WHAT’S FUNNY IS THAT THE MOST POPULAR ENERGY DRINK COMPANY DOESN’T USE THESE. WHICH IS REDBULL BUT ISNTEAD THEY JUST USE THE MOST CONFUSING ADS IN THE WORLD AND AT THE END THEY’LL BE LIKE REDBULL GIVES YOU WINGS AND THEN THEY HAVE THESE DESCRIPTIONS AT THE END THAT TELL YOU THAT YOU’RE JUST GOING TO GET ENERGY. BUT IF YOU WATCH LIKE MONSTER ENERGY DRINK ADS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, THAT WAS SORT OF THE INSPIRATION.

MIKE: SO NEXT UP WE HAVE ‘THISISWHYYOURFAT.COM’ SO JESS, YOU WANNA TAKE US THROUGH WHAT SOME OF THESE THINGS ARE?

JESSICA: SO THIS IS WHY YOUR’E FAT IS BASICALLY A SITE DEVOTED TO CRAZY OVER THE TOP FATTY FOODS, IT’S LIKE 90 % BACON

MIKE: I HEAR BACON IS VERY HIP THESE DAYS, THAT TRUE?

JESS: IT’S THE THING TO EAT AND DO AND WEAR AND YEAH. THIS WAS A WAY TO PULL TOGETHER ALL THE CRAZY BACON BLOGS, WE SHOULD JUST HAVE A COMMUNITY TO PULL ALL THESE THINGS TOGETHER, AND HAVE THEM IN ONE PLACE. DUDE, THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN HAS BEEN LIKE SUPER – I WANT TO BELIEVE WE INSPIRED IT BUT I HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT. THERE’S LIKE THE QUADRUPLE DOUBLEDOWN, THERE’S THE LUTHER DOUBLEDOWN, A DOUBLEDOWN INSIDE TWO KRISPY KREME DONUTS – IT’S SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT THERE. IT PLAYS OFF THE FOOD TRENDS, MOST OF THEM ARE LIKE BEAUTIFULLY SHOT PHOTOGRAPHS, AND THEY’RE LIKE OOZING MAYO OUT OF THEM AND YOU DON’T WANT TO EAT IT BUT YOUJUST CAN’T STOP LOOKING AT IT.

MIKE: WAS ONE OF THE IDEAS THAT THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION OF THIS STUFF ELSEWHERE ON THE WEB?

JESS: IT WAS LIKE A TREND THAT WAS LURKING IN DIFFERENT CORNERS OF THE WEB, IT WAS HYPER NICHE STUFF AND IT WAS ALL LIKE OVERSIZED FOOD, AND THERE WERE BACON SPECIFIC BLOGS BUT THERE WASN’T AND PLACE WHERE IT WAS ALL TOGETHER AND YOU COULD FIND IT AN CONTRIBUTE YOUR OWN STUFF WAS IT. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER THE PAGE BUT MY FAVORITE THING ON THERE IS THE MEAT SHIP WHICH IS A GIANT SAILING VESSEL MADE ENTIRELY OF MEAT PRODUCTS.

MIKE: NEXT TO JESS WE HAVE MATTHEW WHO IS FROM FU PENGUIN. IS THERE A VOICE FOR FUCK YOU PENGUIN?

MATTHEW: UH THERE’S DEFINITELY A CHARACTER, BUT I THANKFULLY DO NOT HAVE A VOICE FOR THAT CHARACTER. I DID ACTUALLY DO ONE RADIO INTERVIEW IN CHARACTER AND IT WAS FOR ENGLAND, AND THEN I DECIDED NEVER TO DO ONE AGAIN. IT WAS AN ODDLY CALM VOICE, LIKE MY OWN.

MIKE: CAN YOU GIVE US LIKE ONE LINE, MAYBE ABOUT LIKE THE OLIVE SUN BIRD.

MATTHEW: “THE OLIVE SUN BIRD, HUH? FUCK YOU.”

MIKE: DID YOU JUST SIT DOWN AND BE LIKE “YOU NOW WHAT? FUCK YOU PENGUIN! FUCK YOU!”

MATTHEW: LIKE ALL GOOD THINGS ON THE INTERNET, I WAS AT WORK, AND I WAS ALSO SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES AND I SAW A COAT THAT WAS NICE AND IT WAS A PENGUIN COAT FROM A CLOTHING COMPANY AND I SENT AN EMAIL TO MY GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME NOW WIFE ABOUT HOW I COULDN’T AFFORD THAT COAT AND IT SAID FU PENGUIN THEN I IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED IT UP WITH A PICTURE OF A PENGUIN AND IT SAID FUCK YOU PENGUIN. WE ALWAYS HAD KIND OF JOKED ABOUT HOW CUTE ANIMALS KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING TO YOU SO A POLAR BEAR ROLLS OVER ON ITS BACK AND YOU’RE LIKE ‘FUCK YOU, POLAR BEAR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?’

MIKE: DO YOU HAVE ANY HOUSEHOLD PETS?

MATTHEW: I DON’T RIGHT NOW, BUT I’M MOVING NEXT MONTH, AND I’M GETTING A DOG.

MIKE: YOU DON’T PLAN ON HATING IT?

MATTHEW: I PLAN ON RESENTING IT. WE ALL RESENT OUR PETS AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. I THINK THE BLOG IS MEANT TO BE FOR ANIMAL LOVERS, WHICH YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TELL FROM SOME OF THE COMMENTS.YOU LOVE THESE ANIMALS SO MUCH THAT IT CYCLES BACK DOWN TO HATRED. THEY DRIVE YOU SO CRAZY AND YOU WANT TO DONATE MONEY TO WWF OR VOLUNTEER AT AN ANIMAL SHELTER OR EVEN WALK YOUR DOG AT MIDNIGHT AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE DOING IT, BUT THEN TEHY ROLL OVER ON THEIR BELLY AND YOU’RE HELPLESS BUT TO SUBCUM TO THEIR TERROR.

MIKE: AND THEN, NEXT TO MATTHEW WE HAVE CHRISTOPH FROM CORNIFY, WHICH IS A WEBSITE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CORNIFY ANY OTHER WEBSITE. WE’LL CORNIFY CORNIFY JUST SO EVERYBODY GETS AN IDEA OF HOW AMAZING IT IS. CRISTOPH, HOW MANY DIFFERENT IMAGES ARE THERE AND HOW LONG CAN YOU GO TO GET NEW ONES?

CHRIS: THERE ARE ONLY 7 UNICORNS AND 7 RAINBOWS AND THEN IF YOU PRESS 15 TIMES THE GRAND UNICORN APPEARS. [HE DOES AND THE AUDIENCE GOES CRAZY]

MIKE: BUT IT’S ALL OF THE BEST ANIMATED AND UNICORN GRAPHICS.

CHRIS: TEHY’RE HAND PICKED TO BE THE BEST.

MIKE: WHAT WAS YOUR INSPIRATION FOR THE SITE?

CHRIS: I WAS JUST HANGING OUT WITH MY BUDDING UNICORN FRIEND HERE, AL, I WANTED TO TRIBUTE SOMETHING TO HIM AND I WANTED TO BRING IT TO THE WORLD.

AL: ALSO THERE’S A LOT OF MONEY INVOLVED. I LOOKED AT THIS AND I SAW POTENTIONL FOR A LOT OF ADVERTISING, LIKE YOU CLICK A 16TH TIME AND MAYBE A GOOGLE VIDEO COMES UP OR SOMETHING ABOUT CIALIS.

MIKE: I HEAR YOU’RE THE CEO OF CORNIFY INC.

CHRIS: THE CORNIFY DISTRIBUTION PLATFORM FOR UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS, YES. VERY SIMILAR WHAT YOUTUBE DID FOR VIDEOS WE DO THAT FOR UNICORNS AND RAINBOW. JUST LIKE HOW NOBODY USED TWITTER A FEW YEARS AGO? THAT’S HOW WE’RE GOING TO BE. WE’LL HAVE JILLIONS OF USERS.

AL: JILLIONS! THAT’S A LOT!

MOD: THE FIRST SORT OF BIG IDEA OR QUESTION THAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS A WAY TO SEE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT I WANT TO SEE, THER EIS SORT OF THIS VAST EXPANSE OF STUFF, AND WE DON’T JUST WANT TO SEE ANYTHING, WE WANT TO SEE THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING WE CAN IMAGINE, WE WANT TO SEE AS MANY UNICORNS AS WE CAN CRAM ON ONE PAGE, OR THE FATTIES FOODS YOU CAN IMAGINE. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

MATTHEW: I THINK IT’S THAT THE INTERNET IS UNLIMITED, SO WHEN YOU HAVE EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS, YOU WANT THE BEST OF EVERYTHING. YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR NEIGHBOR’S DOG, YOU WANT TO SEE THE AWESOMEST DOG OF ALL TIME WHO IS EATING BIRTHDAY CAKE AND LOOKING LIKE A STONED GUY. THERE’S THIS APPEAL – THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE IS PORNOGRAPHY OF COURSE BECAUSE THAT’S THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE OF ANYTHING IN THE INTERNET. YOU DON’T WANT TO GO LOOK AT A NAKED PERSON, YOU WANT TO GO LOOK AT THE CRAZIEST NAKED PERSON EVER. EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ON THIS EXTRA LEVEL, BECAUSE IT’S LIKE, I HAVE THAT LEVEL NOW, LET’S GO FOR IT.

CHRIS: I THINK IT SPEAKS TO YOUR POINT EARLIER THAT A LOT OF THIS STUFF COMES OUT OF THINGS PEOPLE WERE DOING AT WORK ON THEIR COMPUTER, LIKE YOUR WEBSITE, AND YOU JUST HAVE THIS SPLIT SECOND WHERE NO ONE IS WATCHING AND YOU CAN GET INTO THIS SPLIT SECOND OF SATISFACTION AND THE MORE INTENSE IT IS THE MORE IT TAKES US OUT OF OUR WORLD AND INTO THIS PLACE OF HAPPINESS. THE EXTREMENESS TAKES YOU OUT OF IT AND INTO SOMETHING NEW.

MIKE: TO WHAT DEGREE IS YOUR EVERYDAY INTERNET USE A FORM OF ESCAPISM?

CHRIS: ME SPECIFICALLY?

MIKE: YEAH.

CHRIS: MY DAILY INTERNET USE?

MIKE: YEAH.

CHRIS: I’M A WEB DEVELOPER, SO I SPEND 8 HOURS PLUS ON THE INTERNET, I NEED SOMETHING TO ESCAPE FROM THAT, IF SOMETHING JUST MAKES ME HAPPY, THEN I JUST NEED A BREAK FROM THAT.

JESS: SORT OF PLAYING OFF OF – YEAH, I THINK THERE’S A GUILTY PLEASURE COMPONENT TO IT WHICH PLAYS ON THE ESCAPISM THING TO. YOU KIND OF THINK ABOUT MASTURBATION, IT’S SOMETHING EVERYBODY DOES BUT NOBODY TALKS ABOUT. THE WEB CAN BE YOUR RETREAT IN THAT REGARD. THE WEB GIVES YOU A DEGREE OF DISTANCE + ANONYMITY SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE THIS LIFE ON THE INTENRET THAT YOU MIGHT NOT LIVE IN A MORE SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE ENVIRONMENT

SOMEONE: ARE YOU REFERRING TO CHATROULETTE?

MIKE: AREN’T WE ALWAYS REFERRING TO CHATROULETTE?

JESSICA: LY WOULDN’T EAT THIS IS WHY YOUR FAT. YOU WOULDN’T EAT A DOUBLE DOWN EVERY DAY, BUT YOU GO THERE TO SEE THIS CRAZY CREATIONS BECAUSE YOU GET TO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THESE EXTREME CORNER OF THE WEB.

MARK: YES, ESCAPISM, BUT WHAT I MOSTLY DO WITH THE INTERNET, I RARELY KEEP THE WEB TO MYSELF, I BRING IT TO MY FRIENDS AND THEN WE HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. SO MAYBE ESCAPISM, BUT MAYBE JUST BONDING. MAYBE! CORNIFY THAT SHIT! FRIENDSHIP!

CHRIS: I WILL.

UNICORN: IT’S STUFF TO DO AT WORK OR MASTURBATION BUT IF YOU WERE TO REFER TO CORNIFY.COM, ALL OF THOSE ARE PICS OF MY EXGIRLFRIENDS, SO THE NICE THING ABOUT THAT IS THAT I CAN KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, I CAN GO TO ANY WEBSITE.

JESS: PORNIFY, YOU MIGHT SAY? JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE.

AL THE UNICORN: THANKS.

MIKE: SO I’M ALSO REALLY CURIOUS THERE’S BEEN AN EXPLOSION ON THE INTERNET THE LAST COUPLE YEARS OF CUTE-LOVING. SO CUTE OVERLOAD HAS A HUGE AMOUNT OF THE MIND-SHARE OF PEOPLE LOOKING FOR CUTE ANIMALS, PEOPLE LOOKING FOR THEIR AWWW MOMENT, SPECIFICALLY CORNIFY AND FU PENGUIN, IS IT ALL PEOPLE ARE LOOKING TO ESCAPE LOOKING FOR THAT MOMENT OF AWWW JUST SO THEY CAN FORGET ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND WHAT’S BOTHERING THEM? WHAT HAS BROUGHT US TO THIS POINT WHERE WE ARE OBSESSED WITH CUTE THINGS ON THE INTERNET?

MATTHEW: I THINK IT’S THE AW THING YOU POINTED OUT. WHEN YOU SEE A PICTURE THAT IS A EXTREMELY UNNECESSARILY CUTE ANIMAL YOU HAVE A VISCERAL REACTION AND SOMETHING IN YOU JUST PUSHES THAT ‘FORWARD’ BUTTON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS AND AS YOU GET OLDER IT’S HARDER TO RESIST THAT URGE. FOR SOME REASON PEOPLE, WHETHER IT’S EVOLUTION – I DO WRITE A WEBSITE CALLED FU PENGUIN SO I DON’T WANT TO GET TOO INTELLECTUAL, BUT THERE IS JSUT THIS DESIRE TO TAKE CARE OF THESE ANIMALS AND SOMEHOW THIS TRANSLATE INTO EMAIL FORWARD, BUT CUTE OVER LOAD ITS FUNNY BECAUSE PEOPLE ALWAYS REFER TO MY SITE AS THE ANTICUTECOVERLOAD, BUT I HAD READ CUTEOVERLORD THE FIRST TIME WHEN IT FIRST CAME AROUND, ALTHOUGH I THINK THEIR INSIDER LANGUAGE IS CONFUSING, AND I BRIEFLY HAD A FLAME WAR WITH THEM WHICH WAS HILARIOUS.

MIKE: AN ADORABLE FLAMEWAR? WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?

MATTHEW: WE WERE BOTH NOMINATED FOR A WEB AWARD AND I WAS IN THE ANIMAL CATEGORY WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL, AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO START A CAMPAIGN AGAINST THEM, SO I BASICALLY SAID THAT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CUTE OVERLOAD IS THAT KIDS ARE ENCOURAGED TO LOOK AT CUTEOVERLOAD. SO THEN THEY MENTIONED MY SITE ON THEIR SITE WHICH WAS WEIRD AND I DON’T KNOW WHY THE DID THAT AND PEOPLE STARTED COMING TO MY SITE AND COMPLAINING THAT I WAS BEING MEAN TO THE ANIMALS, AND THEY WOULD SAY THINGS ON THEIR SITE LIKE HOW THEIR SITE IS HOW MUCH BETTER THAN THAT STUPID FU PENGUIN SITE. IT’S JUST KIND OF LIKE ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET THAT PEOPLE JUST GET SO OBSESSED WITH THAT THEY JUST HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT. IT’S LIKE THAT SQUIRREL PICTURE FROM A FEW WEEKS AGO WITH THOSE KIDS LOOKING AT THE SQUIRREL AND IT MERGED WITH THAT KANYE MEME AND IT BECAME A MEME IN AND OF ITSELF. IT’S JUST LIKE THIS SQUIRREL THAT POPS UP INTO A SCREEN, IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, PEOPLE. BUT I GOT EMAILED THAT PICTURE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF TIMES IF NOT THOUSANDS.

MIKE: TO PUT ON THE SITE?

MATTHEW: YEAH, AND EVEN AFTER I PUT IT ON THE SITE.

MIKE: AND ALL RESPECT TO CRASHER SQUIRREL – NOT THAT CUTE!

MATTHEW: IT’S PRETTY CUTE. IT’S NOT LIKE THE KOALA THAT CAME TO TAKE A WATER IN THE BATH WHEN IT WAS TOO HOT, BUT IT’S STILL INTERNET CUTE. MAYBE CNN CUTE AT 11 OCLOCK IN THE MORNING.

MIKE: WHAT IS A CNN, WHAT IS IT, THE TODAY SHOW THAT HAPPENS REALLY EARLY WITH MATT LAUER OR WHATEVER? WHAT IS TODAY SHOW CUTE AND VS FU PENGUIN CUTE?

MATTHEW: THE BIGGEST IS OPRAH CUTE. IF YOU CAN GET ON OPRAH WITH YOUR CUTENESS THEN YOU HAVE PRETTY MUCH MADE IT FOR LIFE THERE IS JUST DIFFERENT LEVELS OF CUTENESS. IT’S LIKE PORNOGRAPHY, YOU KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.

MIKE: SIMILARLY THERE HAS BEEN AN EXPLOSION IN THE EXTREMITY OF CONSUMPTION. THINGS LIKE THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN, WE ALL PROBABLY RECEIVED AN EMAIL THE DAY THE DOUBLEDOWN WAS AN OFFICIAL THING, AND THEY WERE LIKE, COME ON SOMEONE IS GOING TO SELL THIS AND YOU ARE GOING TO WANT TO EAT IT, IT IS A CHICKEN SANDWICH MADE OUT OF ANOTHER CHICKEN SANDWICH. I WOULD BE REALLY CURIOUS TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT WHY THE KFC DOUBLE DOWN IS A THING THAT IS POSSIBLE. WHO DID THEY MAKE THAT FOR? IS IT IRONIC? IS IT NOT IRONIC? ITS SIMILAR FOR ENERGY DRINKS. I SEE THESE COMMERCIALS AND I’M LIKE, ARE THESE PEOPLE FOR REAL DID THEY MEAN THIS? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WHAT IS IT EXPRESSING?

JESS: I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION BUT I DO THINK YOU SEE LIKE THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN, ARE YOU JUST TESTING THE WATERS? SEE HOW EXTREME YOU CAN GO? THEY DID DO TEST MARKETING FOR IT AND THAT’S WHEN WE PUT IT ON OUR SITE AND THEN WHEN IT BECAME A REAL THING WE WERE LIKE “WE ALREADY KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST THING EVER!” AND PEOPLE ARE JUST GRAVITATING TO THE EXTREMES AND LOOKING AT NOVELTY ITEMS.

MIKE: DO YOU THINK YOUR WEBSITE HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH PLANTING THAT IDEA.

JESS: I’D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT IT DID. THEY WERE LIKE WE DON’T NEED BREAD, WHATEVER, JUST PUT CHICKEN ON IT.

MIKE: WHEN PEOPLE ORDER A MC NOVELTY, CAN THEY JUST DO THAT?

JESS: LIKE THE MCGANGBANG, THE CHICKEN SANDWICH BETWEEN THE BURGER PATTIES?

PIZZA: AND HALF OF THAT IS PEOPLE WANT TO GO UP TO A DRIVETHROUGH AND BE LIKE YEAH I’M GONNA COME UP AND TELL PEOPLE I WANNA GANGBANG AND THEN SHE’S GONNA BE LIKE WHAT? AND I’LL EXPLAIN IT TO HER BECAUSE, LIKE, I ACTUALLY WANT IT. IT’S LIKE COUCHING THESE REAL DESIRES IN THIS WEIRD LANGUAGE OF AGGRESSION, I REMEMBER THIS VIDEO OF THESE TWO WOMEN ON THIS AFTERNOON SHOW ON CABLE ACCESS AND IT WAS LIKE TWO DONUTS WITH A BURGER ON IT.

JESS: WAS IT PAULA DEEN? AND I LOVE THAT SHE ALLS IT THE “LADIES’ BRUNCH BURGER.’ LIKE IT SOUNDS FANCY AND PLEASANT.

PIZZA: I’M FROM CANADA, AND MAYBE THAT’S WHY IT LOOKS LIKE CABLE ACCESS TV, BUT THE WHOLE ATMOSPHERE OF THAT SHOW WAS SO WEIRD BECAUSE IT WAS THESE TWO LADIES SAYING ‘OH I SHOULDN’T DO THIS’ ‘OH I SHOULDN’T DO THIS’ AND YOU JUST WANT TO SAY, NO! YOU SHOULDN’T FUCKING DO THIS SO STOP!’ BUT THEY’RE ACTING COY, “OH, AMERICA’S CRAZY THAT THEY’RE LETTING US DO THIS ON TELEVESION” BUT THEY’RE ALL LIKE “NOOOM”

JESS: THAT’S PAULA. THAT’S HER MO.

PIZZA: IS IT ALL LIKE, THE WORLD WANTS US TO EAT HEALTHY? LET’S PACK THESE ARTIES LIKE A SWEET RAVE!

MOD: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE MONSTER TRUCK RALLYIZATION.

PIZZA: WELL, THAT WAS DEFINITELY THE ROOT OF THOSE CRAZY AGGRESSIVE ADS, YEAH? THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT YOU COULD MARKET THAT AWESOMELY. LIKE: DUDE, DO YOU THINK THIS IS A LITTLE TOO AWESOME ADVERTISING? AND THE RESPONSE IS NO IT’S AN AD FOR GOING TO GO SEE TRUCKS ROLL OVER SMALLER TRUCKS. YEAH THAT’S A SWEET MARKETING TACTIC FOR SOME PEOPLE. I MEAN I DON’T THINK IT’LL WORK FOR TWEEZERS. TWEEZERZ TWEEZERS TWEEZERS FUCK YOU MOLE HAIR! I’LL ROLL OVER MY TWEEZERS WITH BIGGER TWEEZERS. JUST EVEN JUST THAT VOCAL EFFECT OF THE REVERB AND THE DOUBLED VOCALS. LIKE YOU’RE GONNA HAVE THAT SET UP LINE “YOU WANNA COME DOWN ON SUNDAY CAUSE YOU’RE GONNA SEE TRUCKS!!!!!!!” ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS TRUCKS AND YEAH.

MIKE: I DIDN’T THINK THAT KIND OF THING EXISTED IN CANADA.

PIZZA: OH, WE HAVE OUR WHITE TRASH. YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF A SHOW CALLED TRAILER PARK BOYS, THE MOST POPULAR THING TO COME OUT OF CANADA OTHER THAN CELINE DION? WE DO HAVE THAT KINDA MEDIA, BUT IT’S LESSER. YOU HAD THE MONSTER TRUST COMMERCIALS AND BY EXTENSIONS THOSE USED CARS ONE, I’M JIM THE RUG SMITH I’VE GOT THE BEST RUGS IN TOWN OH MY RUGS I’M SO PERSIAN. WHAT’ WEIRD IS THAT THOSE THINGS WERE ON THE FRINGE OF REAL MEDIA AND ADVERSISING. WE WERE LIKE OH, THAT’S AWESOME, LET’S USE THAT STYLE, AND NOW THAT’S FED BACK INTO THE MAINSTREAM ADS, SO NOW YOU HAVE THESE OLD SPICE COMMERCIALS THAT IT’S HARD TO IMAGINE EVER EXISTING WITHOUT INTERNET PARODY ADS FIRST. THAT’S SO RIGHT OUT OF THE INTERNET.

MIKE: THIS IS EXACTLY SOMETHING I ASK, WHERE DOES THIS STOP? NOW THAT THIS JOKING PARODY IS FINDING IT’S WAY INTO THE REAL WORLD, ARE WE JUST ON THE FAST CAR STRAIGHT TO HELL. WHAT COMES AFTER THE KFC DOUBLE DOWN.

AUDIENCE: TRIPLEDOWN!!!!!!

MATTHEW: THE SAD THING IS THE DOUBLE DOWN DIDN’T EVEN CRACK THE TOP 100 FATTIEST FOOD. THE TOP THING IS THE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES. THEY’RE ALL LIKE 2500 CALORIES. THE DOUBLEDOWN IS ONLY LIKE 500 CALORIES SO EAT EM WHILE YOU’VE GOT EM.THE DOUBLE DOWN IS ONLY 500 CALORIES

AUDIENCE MEMBER: THERE IS MORE SALT IN THE DOUBLE DOWN THAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO COSUME IN AN ENTIRE DAY.

JESSICA: THERE’S ALSO THE WINDOWS 7 BURGER IN JAPAN THAT WAS LEGIMATITELY SOLD, WITH 7 PATTIES.

MIKE: WE MIGHT NEVER HIT THE CEILING FOR RIDICULOUS FOOD BUT AT SOME POINT WE’LL RUN OUT OF CUTE ANIMALS, WON’T WE?

MATTHEW: THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT PUNK, RIGHT? THAT IT WAS THE END OF MUSIC? BUT THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT! THEY’LL ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE NEWER COOLER AWESOMER THINGS. CAPS LOCK ISN’T AWESOME ENOUGH, LET’S DO 72 PT CAPS LOCK. THEYLL GET BIGGER SCREENS SO THEY CAN READ IT ALL. THE KIDS WILL FIND A WAY.

MIKE: SO THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THE NEW CUTE THING AFTER THE CUTE THING? LIKE DID YOU SEE THE DIK-DIK, THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE DEAR YOU’VE EVER SEEN? SO THERE’S ALWAYS GOING TO BE A NEW THING THAT’S THE MOST ADORABLE THING THAT YOU’VE EVER SEEN.

PIZZA; LIKE IF CLONING EVER GETS TO THE POINT OF MAKING AMINALS SMALLER, LIKE SMALL BEAR? HOLY CRAP, GET READY FOR SMALL BEAR.

MATTHEW: THEY HAVE TEACUP PIGS. THEY ARE PIGS ALMOST THE SIZE OF A TEACUP.

PIZZA; WHAT? DOUBLE DOWN!!!

JESS: SO IT’S LIKE AN INVERSE RATIO, AS THE FOOD GETS BIGGER AND BIGGER THE ANIMALS GET SMALLER AND SMALLER. WE CAN CRAM LIKE MORE ANIMALS INTO ONE SANDWICH.

MIKE: THE CUTEST MOST DELICIOUS THING ON THE PLANET.

MATTHEW: I GET A LOT OF EATERS ON MY WEBSITE. IT’S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

MIKE: THE COMMUNITIES THAT HAVE SURROUNDED THE WEBSITES, IF THERE IS A COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE COMMENTING OR ANOTHER KIND OF CONGREGATION. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE AHVE YOU FOUND AND WHAT SORT OF ADVENTURES HAVE YOU HAD WITH THEM?

CHRIS: I HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING IN A WHILE SO HERE I GO. THE THING WITH CORNIFY THAT’S DIFFERENT IS THAT YOU CAN INSTALL IT ON YOUR OWN WEBSITE, YOU CAN PUT IT ON A BOOKMARKLET, SO MOST OF THE CORNIFY ACTION HAPPENS OFF THE CORNIFY SITE. IT HAS REALLY SPREAD ALL OVER THE PLACE, THEY ARE ALL EXCITED. I DON’T HAVE A DIRECT COMMUNITY ON THE SITE BUT IT JUST SORT OF SPREADS, THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SO GREAT, PEOPLE CAN JUST RUN WITH IT.

UNICORN AL: ACTUALLY I’M IN CHARGE OF AL THE GOOGLE ANALYTICS STUFF AND A COUPLE THINGS THAT YOU’LL FIND IS: EH, FIREFOX USERS? RIGHT GUYS? FIREFOX AND NERDS. JUST GENERAL NERD POPULATION. SO THAT’S ABOUT IT.

CHRIS: THAT’S A GREAT SUMMARY.

MIKE: HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CORNIFIES THAT YOU’VE SEEN OUT IN THE WILD THAT YOU’VE SEEN LIKE SCREEN GRABS THAT WERE REALLY CHOICE?

CHRIS: UH… THE MOST AMAZING ONE THAT WAS JUST THE BEST EXPERIENCE WAS SOMEBODY UPLOADED A VIDEO ON YOUTUBE SOME DESIGN AGENCY IN NY PLAYED A PRANK ON THEIR COWORKERS AND THEY CORNIFIED THEIR WHOLE DESK. THEY PRINTED OUT UNICORNS, TOOK THINGS APART AND PUT UNICORNS INSIDE OF THEM, GLITTER EVERYWHERE, THERE WAS A SIGN ON THE CHAIR SAYING ‘UNICORNS FART GLITTER’ WHICH EXPLAINED WHY THERE WAS GLITTER EVERYWHERE, AND THEY TAPED THE WHOLE THING AND UPLOADED IT AND IT WAS JUST AN AWESOME THING TO COME ACROSS, JUST SO MUCH CREATIVITY.

MATTHEW: I GET PEOPLE TRYING TO SOUND LIKE ME, I’D SAY THE MAJORITY OF THE COMMENTS ARE THAT, AND SOME OF THEM ARE VERY FUNNY, BUT A LOT OF THEM ARE VERY CREPY. I THINK IT’S EASY TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE OR CARNIVORISM WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO INSULT AN ANIMAL, AND PEOPLE THINK OF VERY CREATIVE WAYS TO DO THAT KIND OF THING. THE FEEDBACK ON THE SITE HAS BEEN ALMOST UNIVERSALLY POSITIVE. I’VE HAD PEOPLE IN THE PANELS TALK ABOUT HOW THE INTERNET IS SUCH A NEGATIVE PLACE, BUT MAYBE BECAUSE I DON’T POST MY STUFF ON YOUTUBE.

MIKE: AND ALSO HAVING THE MECHANIC OF YOUR VOICE ON THE WEBSITE IS SORT OF WEIRDLY NEGATIVE, AND THEN HAVING PEOPLE COMMENT WEIRDLY NEGATIVE IS SORT OF A TOOL FOR HIDING THE ACTUALLY NEGATIVE COMMENTS, LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE ‘THAT PENGUIN IS AN ASSHOLE’ AND THEY HONESTLY BELIEVE IT OR WANT TO INSULT YOU, THEY’RE JUST GOING TO GET LOST IN THE SEA OF PEOPLE WHO ARE TELLING THAT JOKE IRONICALLY.

MATTHEW: YEAH, I DON’T KNOW, IT WOULD SEEM LIKE REALLY A LOT YOU’RE REALLY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO CALL A PENGUIN AN ASSHOLE IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT THE PENGUIN IS AN ASSHOLE AND THE PENGUIN PROBABLY DOESN’T READ THE WEBSITE AND IF IT DOES IT PROBABLY DOESN’T READ THE COMMENTS.

JESS: I THINK ON OUR SITE WE TEND TO GET A LOT OF KNOW IT ALLS, THERE AREN’T REALLY NEGATIVE REVIEWS AS MUC AS SAYING “ACTUALLY, THE REASON WHY YOU’RE FAT IS THIS PERCENTAGE OF SATURATED FAT” AND LIKE… WHATEVER. IT ENDED UP TAKING THAT WHOLE FATTY CRAZY FOOD CREATION AND TOOK IT IRL, THIS ACTUALLY EXISTED BEFORE THE SITE, BUT IT’S SORT OF BLOWN UP NOW, IT’S CALLED BACON CAMP. YOU HAVE TO MAKE A BACON CREATION. IT’S FROM SAN FRAN, BUT NOW IT’S ALL OVER THE PLACE.AND I’VE GOTTEN IN THIS WEIRD ROLE JUDGING EXTREME FOOD COMPETITIONS, SO THERE’S A COMMUNITY IN REAL LIFE.

MIKE: I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WHEN I SAY WE KINDA WANNA HEAR SOME STORIES.

JESS: THE LAST COUPLE THAT I JUDGED SADLY THEY DIDN’T GET THAT EXTREME, THEY WERE REALLY JUST LIKE, SERIOUSLY, MY GUACAMOLE IS AMAZING, AND I WAS LIKE, PUT A SAUSAGE IN IT! GET EXTREME MAN!”

MARK: PLEASE APPRECIATE THE SUBTLES OF MY GUACAMOLE, THIS IS MY LIFE’S WORK!

JESS: TREAT MY BACON CREATION GENTLY. – BUT HOLY TACO DID THE ORIGINAL SNACKSTADIUM WHICH I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GUYS HAVE SEEN BUT IT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, A HUGE STADIUM MADE OUT OF SNACK FOODS, LIKE A TWINKIE WALL AND A GUACAMOLE WALL AND THERE ARE ALL KINS OF VARIATIONS AND THERE WAS JUST A HUGE COMPETITION OUT WEST FOR LIKEK THE MOST EPIC SNACK STADIUM YOU COULD COME UP WITH. I DIDN’T GET TO GO TO THAT SADLY, BUT IT’S POSTED ON OUR FACEBOOK AND ON OUR TWITTER.

JESS: IT’S THISISWHYYOU’REFAT ON FACEBOOK. YOU CAN GET TO IT VIA OUR TWITTER TOO WHICH IS @TIWYF. SOMETHING WE GET IS PEOPLE WILL SUBMIT A PICTURE OF A PERSON AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN OVERWEIGHT OR ANYTHING, IT’S JUST LIKE THEIR PROM PICTURE! AND WE’RE LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYING WITH THAT? THIS IS NOT THE POINT OF THE SITE!

PIZZA: ARE YOU SURE IT’S NOT BECUASE THE PERSON WAS GOING TO EAT THAT PERSON? JUST A CANNIBAL LOOKING FOR A COMMUNITY! WHERE’S MY BLOG!

MATTHEW: I DO WANT TO SAY ABOUT THE CORRECTIONS, PEOPLE LOVE TO CORRECT YOU ON THE INTERNET, IT’S LIKE THEIR FAVORITE THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

AUDIENCE: NO THEY DON’T. [BIG LAUGH]

MATTHEW: BUT FOR MY SITE I’M PURPOSEFULLY BEING AN IDIOT SO SOMETIMES I SAY THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE ON PURPOSE, BUT FOR SOMEREASON THEY DO NOT GET THE SARCASM EVEN THOUGH MY SITE IS BASED ON SARCASM. SO FOR INSTANCE I SAID “FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER A BLOG IS BEING TURNED INTO A BOOK?” AND PEOPLE SAID “WHAT ABOUT STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE? YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE.” AND I WAS LIKE… THIS IS THE INTERNET I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT.

MARK: SO YOU NOTICED THAT WE SPELLED LIGHTNING LIKE “LIGHTENING.” SO AT FIRST WE GOT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE SAYING “YOU SPELLED IT WRONG.” THEN THESE AMERICANS CAME TO OUR DEFENSE AND SAID “NO, THAT’S JUST THE CANADIAN WAY OF SPELLING IT” AND IT WAS A HILARIOUS AND MISGUIDED WAY TO BE NICE. EVEN THOUGH IT’S MAKING FUN OF THAT WHOLE GENRE, I JUST DIDN’T IMAGINE THAT PEOPLE WHO WOULD WAKE SPIKE TV AND THINK IT’S AWESOME. ALL THEY SEE IS MANLY DUDES AND HORSES ACTING TOUGH (NOT IN THE ORIGINAL, BUT IN THE NEW ONE, THERE’S A HORSE ON A MOTORCYCLE, I WANT TO BRAG) I GOT EMAILS FROM GUYS IN THE NAVY, DUDES IN THE AIR FORCE LIKE, FUCKIN LOVED YOUR VIDEO BRO! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOUR OTHERS! AND I WAS LIKE… YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY OTHER VIDEOS, DUDE, THEY’RE ME DRESSING UP IN A FAKE MUSTACHE AND SINGING, YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY OTHER VIDEOS, THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU WANT! WE MADE ANOTHER VIDEO THAT’S JUST A LAYWER SCREAMING AT THE CAMERA, BUT AT THE END OF THE VIDEO HE INCLUDED HIS REAL PHONE NUMBER, AND PEOPLE WOULD ANSWER IN CHARACTER AND PEOPLE WOULD BE LIKE ‘OH GOD”. SO THEY WERE OBVIOUSLY FANS ENOUGH THAT THEY WOULD CALL HER. MY WHOLE ROLE IN THAT IS TO JUST SCREAM NONSENSE AT THE CAMERA, AND SO HE’D BE LIKE WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE YOU MIGHT WANT TO TALK TO? AND HE’D PUT ME ON THE PHONE AND THEY’D BE LIKE “WTF IS THIS?” AND THEN I’D BE LIKE “SHOCK JOHNSON FROM THE VIDEO? UH… I’LL GIVE YOU BACK TO LARRY.”

CHRIS: A LOT OF ANGER. MAYBE YOU NEED TO COME TO MY SITE, AND CORNIFY A LITTLE BIT.

MIKE: I’D LIKE THAT VERY MUCH. SO – WE HAVE A QUESTION: DO YOU FEEL LIKE OLD SPICE CO-OPTED POWERTHIRST?

MARK: NO, NO, BUT I THINK, I DON’T KNOW MAYBE A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT INTRODUCED TO THAT KIND OF VIDEO THROUGH POWERTHIRST, AND MAYBE THERE WAS A LONG ENOUGH CHAIN THAT LEAD TO OLD SPICE THAT THEY WEREN’T REALLY INSPIRIED FOR ME. SO I GOT THIS EMAIL WHERE SOMEONE WAS LIKE ‘YOU GOT CITED AS THE INSPIRATION FOR OLD SPICE!’ I GOOGLED IT, AND THEN I WAS SEARCHING AND SEARCHING, AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS SO EGO CENTRIC “COME ONNNN GIVE ME THE CREEEDIIIIITT”

AUDIENCE MEMBER: WHAT’S THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN UNICORNS AND VAMPIRES? BECAUSE THEY BOTH SPARKLE.

UNICORN AL: SO WHAT’S THE WHAT? HUH? SO THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN VAMPIRES AND UNICORNS… UH. WE BOTH LOVE TWILIGHT. THAT IS FOR SURE. I’M ACTUALLY WRITING A BOOK RIGHT NOW THAT’S BASED ON TWILIGHT BUT WITH UNICORNS BUT YOU’RE RIGHT, IT’S SHOCKINGLY EASY TO RIP THAT BOOK OFF. JUST PUT A UNCORN IN HIGH SCHOOL AND HAVE HIM FALL FOR SOMEONE. WRITING IS HARD, GUYS. OH AND UNICORNS AND VAMPIRES ARE BOTH MADE FROM SPARKLES. THAT’S IT. DID I ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.

MIKE: DO YOU THINK ANYONE COULD HAVE STARTED YOUR SITES, WAS IT JUST TIMING, LUCK?

MATTHEW: DO YOU THINK ANYONE COULD HAVE ASKED THAT QUESTION? YEAH. IT’S THE INTERNET. ANYONE CAN START A SITE. YOU HAVE AN IDEA, YOU DO IT. I HAD AN IDEA, AND I PUT IT ON THE WEB. FOR SOME WEIRD REASON IT BECAME POPULAR. I MEAN ALL FOUR OF THESE ARE DIFFERENT, BUT.

JESS: I THINK TIMING FOR TIWYF WAS PRETTY SERENDIPITIOUS BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH TALKING ABOUT ORGANIC AND OBSESSED WITH LITE THIS AND ORGANIC THAT AND THERE WERE ALL THESE OTHER FOOD SITS POPPING UP, IT WAS DEFINITELY TIMING ON OUR SIDE, BUT IT’S A SIMPLE SITE! IT’S ON TUMBLR, ANYONE CAN MAKE A THEMED TUMBLR SITE.

AL: NOBODY ELSE COULD HAVE CREATED CORNIFY.COM, BECAUSE I AM THE ORGINATOR OF THOSE NAKED PICS OF MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

PIZZA: YEAH, ANYBODY COULD HAVE MADE THAT, THERE ARE LOTS OF ENERGY DRINK PARODYS OUT THERE. JUST MOST OF THEM WERE MADE BY PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T HAVE… PH, THE YELLING GUY HAS SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY! YEAH, BUT IT WAS TIMING MOSTLY.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: HELLO. I HAVE A QUESTION. OKAY, SO, NOW THE THINGS THAT YOU TALK ABOUT, FOR INSTANCE, REALLY FATTY FOODS AND ADVERSITING THAT YELLS A LOT AND THE COMEDY OF LOUD THINGS IN GENERAL LIKE GILBERT GODFREY OR DEEP FRIED OREOS. DO YOU THINK THAT THE HYPERBOLE IN OUR CULTURE IS ACTUALLY EXPANDING, OR DO YOU THINK THAT IT IS JUST THAT THE INTERNET IS BRING IT TO US?

AL: I’LL ANSWER SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW; IT’S JUST OUR ACCESS. THE INTERNET BROUGHT THAT FRIED OREO THAT WAS MAYBE ONLY DOWN ON THE JERSEY SHORE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAVING TO HOP ON A PEGASUS AND STROLL DOWN TO THE BOARDWALK AND GETTING A BUZZ FROM YOUR FRIEND – YOU GUYS USE BUZZ, RIGHT? [AUDIENCE LOLS]

JESS: I THINK IT’S A COMBINATION OF THE PLATFORM NEEDING THE CONTENT WE HAVE ACCES, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I THINK THAT ACCESS TENDS TO BREED MORE EXTREME CONTENT, SO I THINK THEY WORK IN TANDEM.

MARK: I THINK THE INTERNET IS INCREASING THE AMOUNT OF HYPERBOLE WE’RE EXPOSED TO. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WRITE A LETTER IN ALL CAPS. INTERNET COMMUNICATION IS JUST “I’M GOING TO BE FUCKING BIGGER ABOUT ALL THIS” I DIDN’T DO IT A LOT BEFORE I STARTED GOING ONLINE.

MATTHEW: WELL THERE’S ALSO – AND THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID 1000 TIMES – THE ANONYMITY. YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT AND THERE’S NO CONSEQUENCES. IT’S ACTUALLY FUNNY THAT I’M ON THIS PANEL, BECAUSE I HATE WHEN PEOPLE WRITE IN ALL CAPS LOCK, IT’S SO GRATING ON ME. I JUST THINK THAT INTERNET LANGUAGE IS HILARIOUS. IT’S A LITTLE INFANTILE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT’S HYPER AGGRESSIVE. THERE IS A GREAT BLOG CALLED MY NEW FIGHTING STYLE IS UNSTOPABLE. IF YOU WANT TO SEE INTERNET LANGUAGE TAKEN TO EXTREME, THEN CHECK OUT HIS BLOG. I NEVER WOULD HAVE WRITTEN A BLOG IN ALL CAPS UNTIL I READ HIS BLOG, BUT THINKING ABOUT IT IN THAT CONTEXT. IF YOU CAN USE IT IN A WAY THAT IS FUNNY TO PEOPLE INSTEAD OF OBNOXIOUS, THEN YOU KIND OF TAKE IT’S POWER AWAY A LITTLE BIT.

CHRIS: IT GOES MANY WAYS THOUGH. WE HAVE MORE ACCESS TO ALL THIS GOOFY STUFF BUT I CAN GO ON WIKIPEDIA AND LOOK UP ANYTHING I WANT, GO ON FACEBOOK AND LOOK UP PICTURES OF PEOPLE WHO I HAVEN’T SEEN IN 5 YEARS.

MARK: I LIKE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT YOU’RE SHOUTING AT PEOPLE WHEN YOU’RE USING CAPS LOCK. I GUESS I’M LIKE AN INTERNET LUDDITE, I STILL TYPE THINGS LIKE “HAHAHA” OR “I AM LAUGHING AT THE STATEMENT” IT WAS FUN TO SEE THAT DEVELOP INTO SOMETHING BIGGER, LIKE LOL BECAME SO POPULAR, THAT IT BECAME SOMETHING TO “I AM NOT ONLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD, I AM ALSO ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING ABOUT IT AND MY ASS IS ELSEWHERE” AND SOMEONE WOULD SAY ROFL AND I WOULD BE LIKE “YOU’RE A LIAR”

MATTHEW: IT’S FUNNY IN YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE TO SEE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY OLD PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO USE COMPUTERS USING THE LETTER U INSTEAD OF YOU IN PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATION. LIKE THAT IS WEIRDING ME OUT, STOP DOING THAT PLEAS

MARK: I THINK THE FIRST TIME I READ ROSIE O’DONNELS TEXT LOGS. THIS IS SOMEWHOW WORSE FOR ME THAT THAT MOVIE WHERE YOU PLAYED THAT GIRL WITH DOWN’S SYNDROME. LIKE, THIS IS THE STRAW.

MIKE: IT SOUNDS LIKE THE OPINION IS THAT NO ONLY DOES THIS GIVE US THE HYPERBOLE. I THINK ABOUT MY FATHER WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THE EXTREMEITY OF THINGS THAT GO ON AND I WONDER IF THAT MAKES YOU MORE OR LESS OF AN INTERNET USER TO KNOW IF THOSE THINGS DO OR DO NOT EXIST.

MATTHEW: YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND. UH, I’LL TALK. THE INTERNET, WOW. I THINK I MEAN THEY SAY PEOPLE ONLY GO TO LIKE THREE SITES. IT’S YOUR OWN NARROW CORNER OF THE UNIVERSE. IT’S WEIRD TO ME BECAUSE I STARTED A BLOG AND WROTE A BOOK AND ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE LIKE CONTACTING ME ABOUT IF THEY LIKED THE BLOG OR DIDN’T LIKE THE BLOG AND ALL THESE PEOPLE SAYING “THE BLOG IS OVER, THAT’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE” – BUT I SITLL GET LIKE 1000S OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER HEARD OF IT GETTING TO THE SITE EACH DAY. I BET THERE ARE EVEN PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM WHO ARE LIKE “OH FU PENGUIN, I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.” I MEAN PEOPLE JUST HAVE A CORNER OF THEIR WORLD, EVEN DIGG POWER USERS ARE ONLYSEEING THEIR ONE LITTLE CORNER.

JESS: IT’S WEIRD, BECAUSE YOUR SITE WASN’T LEGITIMIZED UNTIL YOU WERE BROUGHT INTO THIS OLD MEDIA. YOU’RE LIKE “OH GOD, PLEASE LET ME GET A BOOK DEAL.”

MATTHEW: IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A STRANGE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS, TELL THEM YOU WRITE A BOOK CALLED FU PENGUIN. AND THEN THEY’LL START TELLING THEIR FRIENDS: “HE WROTE A BOOK CALLED FU PENGUIN.” “WHUUUUUUT??” “EFF! YOU! PENGUIN!”

AUDIENCE: IS THIS IRONIC HYPERBOLE SOMETHING THAT’S ENDEMIC TO 30 SOMETHING’S WHITE PEOPLE.

MATTHEW: I’M 28 SO FUCK YOU.

MARK: 27! OHHHH!

MATTHEW: I DON’T KNOW, SARCASM IS OUR GENERATION I GUESS, IT’S OUR SECURITY BLANKET. WE GREW UP WATCHING THE SIMPSONS, PROBALBY MORE INFLUENTIAL THAN ANY OTHER THING IN OUR GENERATION IN TERMS OF COMEDY, THEY DO A LOT OF SARCASM, SO THAT’S THE DEAL.

AUDIENCE: IT’S EVERYONE WHO DIDN’T GO TO WOODSTOCK.

MARK: DID YOU GO TO WOODSTOCK? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

MATTHEW: I LIED, I’M 65 AND I DID GO TO WOODSTOCK, SO FUCK YOU.

MARK: THERE’S NO WAY. I DON’T HAVE ANY CLEAR IDEA.

JESS: LARRY DAVID’S NOT 30SOMETHING. HE’S PRETTY MANIC.

MARK: WE’RE HAVING THIS GREAT CONVERSATION TO AVOID RACE THINGS. OH, THIS AGE THING IS VERY LIMITING!

MATTHEW: YES, I AM WHITE, THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE. BUT YA KNOW I CAN’T REALLY CHANGE THAT.

AUDIENCE: WHAT RACE IS THE UNICORN?

AL: WELL, MY MOM IS WHITE – ALABASTER, WE CALL IT -

MATTHEW: YEAH, HE WRITES FOR THE ONION.

AUDIENCE: SO DO WE! AND NEITHER OF US ARE WHITE!

PIZZA: I CAN SEE THESE GUYS FROM WHERE WE’RE SITTING, AND THEY’RE TELLING THE TRUTH.

AUDIENCE: DO YOU ALL HAVE DAY JOBS, AND DO YOU CHECK AND EDIT YOUR OWN SITE WHILE YOU’RE DOING THEM.

MATTHEW: MY SITE GOT BLOCKED AT MY JOB. IT GOT BLOCKED FOR SEX. WITH A PERIOD.

AL: YES. BUT AGAIN, WHEN I’M DOING IT, I’M MASTURBATING. [CHRIS RUBS HIM ON THE NOSE]

JESS: YES.

MARK: NO. NO DAY JOB, BUT MAKING THAT IS NOT MY INCOME. OTHER FORMS THAT BROADLY RELATE TO THAT, BUT IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF I COULD JUST MAKE INTERNET VIDEOS AND MAKE MONEY FROM THAT.

MIKE: ASIDE FROM THE QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE DAYJOBS OR WHETHER OR NOT YOU CHECK THEM DURING DAY JOBS. HAVE THE BLOGS IMPACTED YOUR DAY JOBS.

MATTHEW: WELL IT WAS A GREAT CONVERSATION I HAD WITH MY BOSSES WHEN I TOLD THEM ABOUT THE BLOG, BECAUSE IT’S NOT QUITE AS AMAZING AS TELLING YOUR GRANDPARENTS THAT YOU WRITE A BLOG CALLED FUCK YOU PENGUIN, BUT YOUR BOSSES ARE ALSO PRETTY SPECIAL FOR THAT MOMENT. – THERE WAS A SITUATION IN WHICH ONE OF THE CLIENTS, I WORK IN MARKET RESEARCH, WAS A FAN OF THE SITE, SO MY BOSS WAS TRYING TO GET ME TO MEET THEM TO GET MORE BUSINESS. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN SO I WAS HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

JESS: I WORK FOR A SITE CALLED BUZZ FEED, SO I’M LUCKY ENOUGHT O BELIEVEING IN THE CRAZY WEIRD MEME CRAZHER SQUIRREL WORLD, SO THEY FEATURE A LOT OF THIS IS WHY YOU’RE FAT KIND OF STUFF. AND I CHECK MY SITE WHILE I’M AT WORK. HOPEFULLY MY BOSS ISN’T HERE.

CHRIS: I WORK FOR AN INTERACTIVE FIRM AND WE MAKE VERY SERIOUS SITES FOR BIG COMPANIES, AND THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE INVOLVED AND THEY ALL THINK EVERYTHING IS VERY IMPORTANT. FOR A SILLY LITTLE SITE LIKE CORNIFY TO COME ALONG AND GET MORE PEOPLE TO LOOK AT THAN SOMETHING THEY SPENT TONS ON – THAT GIVES ME PROPS AS A ‘VIRAL MEDIA EXPERT’ AND ‘SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT’ SO I GUESS I HAVE THOSE TITLES NOW. I’LL MAKE UP MORE TONIGHT.

MIKE: SO AFTER YOU’RE DONE MAKING A WEBSITE AT WORK, DO YOU JUST GO HOME AND CORNIFY IT.

CHRIS: OH YEAH. I EVEN CORNIFY IT AT WORK.

MIKE: DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY FAVOURITE SITES?

MATTHEW: I STILL DO WANT TO SHOUT OUT MY FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE CAUSE IT’S AWESOME.

MARK: [WE COULDN'T HEAR]

AUDIENCE MEMBER: DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RECENT SUCCESS OF THE UNICORN ATTACK?

CHRIS: UNICORNS AHVE BECOME REALLY POPULAR FOR MARKETING. THERE WAS WINDOWS 7 AMAZING ADVERTISING WHERE THIS LITTLE GIRL CREATES AWESOME SLIDESHOWS, LIKE, LITTLE GIRLS CREATE SLIDESHOWS IN POWERPOINT? AND ONE SLIDE WAS JUST SPARKLES AND UNICORNS AND ‘WINDOWS 7 IS MAGICAL.” IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF CORNIFY WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR THAT. NEXT TIME IM’ IN A BRAINSTORMING MEETING I’M GOING TO PULL OUT UNICORNS.

AUDIENCE: DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE VIDEOS WHERE YOU’RE DOING THESE EXTREME PERSONALITIES, DO YOU USE THAT IN YOUR STAND UP, OR DOES THE INTERNET LET YOU BE MORE EXTREME, OR DO YOU KEEP THOSE SEPARATE?

MARK: THE QUESTION WAS DID THE INTERNET LET ME BE MORE EXTREME IN MY COMEDY AND DO I KEEP IT SEPARATE. NOT BY CHOICE, I’D LOVE TO DO THAT STUFF LIVE ON STAGE, BUT THERE’S A SET OF EXPECTATIONS WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. IF I TRY TO ACT EXTREME PEOPLE ARE LIKE “WHAT IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT? CALM DOWN, DEXTER.” FOR AWHILE I TRIED TO PUSH IT IN THAT DIRECTION BUT IT’S DIFFICULT. IT’S ALSO DIFFERENT HERE IN THE US BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT OF INDEPENDENT CLUBS AND IT’S AWESOME, AND IN CANADA YOU’RE PERFORMING IN CHAINS AND FOR MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE OUT ON DATE NIGHT. SO IT’S MANAGING EXPECTATIONS, THEY EXPECT ME TO HAVE A CERTAIN KIND OF COMEDY.

AUDIENCE: SO YOU GUYS ARE KIND OF AT THE MORE CLEAN END OF THE EXTREME SPECTRUM. WHAT ABOUT THINGS LIKE 2 GIRLS 1 CUP ENTERING THE CULTURE? RULE 34S?

MARK: DOUBLE DOWN!!!

CHRIS: I GUESS THAT DEPENDS ON WHO YOU ASK, FOR ME UNICORNS ARE VERY PURE. BUT FOR AL, IT’S VERY DIFFERENT…

AL: YEAH 2 GIRLS 1 CUP IS A BOOK MARK OF MINE. VERY GOOD, UH, ARTICLE.

MARK: I’VE ACTUALLY NEVER SEEN – UH – SHOULD I NOT WATCH IT?

MATTHEW: THIS IS A PERFECT SITUATION FOR 2 GIRLS 1 CUP, BECAUSE YOU CAN ALL BE WATCHING IT AND I CAN BE WATCHING YOU.

MARK: I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A PARABLE FOR THE RECENT RECESSION? 2 GIRLS AND THAT HAVE TO SELL ONE CUP?

MIKE: NO, IT’S ACTUALLY ABOUT POOP.

PIZZA: NO? IT’S LIKE A 2 BIRDS ONE STONE KIND OF THING?

JESS: I DO THINK IT’S COOL, IF YOU WATCH THE VIDEO YOU CAN’T GET IT OUT OF YOUR MIND EVER, BUT WHAT LIVES ON NOW IS THE REACTION VIDEOS AND THE SECOND STUFF IN THAT IS WHAT MADE THE PHENOMENON. IT WASN’T THE VIDEO THE PEOPLE WERE PUMPED ABOUT, IT’S THE REACTION TO IT.

MIKE: SO DOES IT END UP BEING NEITHER POSITIVE NOR NEGATIVE.

MARK: I DID SEE ONE VIDEO THAT WAS LIKE “TRICKING MY GRANDMA INTO WATCHING 2 GIRLS 1 CUP” AND YOU’RE LIKE “THIS IS THE WORST PRANK IN THE WORLD, I SHOULD GO TRY TO STOP THIS” AND YOU SEE GRANDMA SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING AND THEN SHE DOESN’T LEAVE THE ROOM, SHE WATCHES IT.

MIKE: THERE’S AN INTERVIEW! BASICALLY THEY JUST SAY THAT SOME PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET THINK THAT WE DIDN’T ACTUALLY SHOW IT TO YOU, DID WE ACTUALLY SHOW IT TO YOU, ANSWER TRUTHFULLY! AND SHE JUST SAYS, YES.

MATTHEW: THERE’S SOME AMOUNT OF SHOCK VALUE TO ALL THESE THINGS. IT’S OBVIOUSLY MILES AWAY FROM 2 GIRLS 1 CUP, BUT – SEEING FUCK AND PENGUINE TOGETHER IS ONE THING FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT’S NOT A NORMAL CLICK ON THE INTERNET, I THINK THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF SHOCK VALUE IN CUTENESS AND THINGS. WHENYOU OPEN UP A PICTURE AND IT’S THE COOKIE BUNNY IT’S JUST AMAZING, IT’S A BUNNY AND IT’S STEALING A COOKIE.

MIKE: ARE YOU COMPARING COOKIE BUNNY TO 2 GIRLS 1 CUP?

MATTHEW: UH, NO?

MARK: TWO COOKIES. ONE BUNNY. THAT’S A LUCKY BUNNY.

MIKE: THAT’S DEFINITELY A VIDEO I WOULD WATCH. WITH MY GRANDMA.

UNICORN: I’M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS.

CHRIS: I’D JUST LIKE TO APPEAL TO EVERYONE TO SAY WITH BARACK OBAMA “YES WE CORN.”

MIKE: THANK YOU EVERYONE! THIS HAS BEEN CAPSLOCK!

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