MATTHEW GASTEIER (FU PENGUIN)
JESSICA AMASON (THIS IS WHY YOU’RE FAT)
CHRISTOPH ONO (CORNIFY)
MARK LITTLE (PICNICFACE + POWERTHIRST)
MIKE RUGNETTA (MEMEFACTORY) [MODERATOR]

LET’S FACE IT: CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME ON THE INTERNET. WHY IS THIS THE CASE? WHY’S “THE MOST EXTREME” NEAR AND DEAR TO THE HEART OF THE WEBS? WHAT ARE THE WEIRD EXPERIENCES THAT COME OUT OF CREATING AND CURATING THAT KIND OF STUFF?

Recorded by: @flourish & @andthengensaid
Edited by: @alexleavitt

NOTE: This is not a full transcription of the panel. If you have any corrections, please contact alex@roflcon.org.

EDITOR’S NOTE: SORRY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE NOTATION OF ‘PIZZA’ IS FOR, SO WAIT FOR THE VIDEO!

GENERAL CHATTER: SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THERE IS A MAN IN A UNICORN SUIT HERE. HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S A MAN? THE TIE.

MIKE: MY NAME IS MIKE RUGNETTA. I AM PART OF MEME FACTORY. WITH ME MARK LITTLE, WHO YOU MIGHT KNOW FROM PICNICFACE, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A LITTLE KNOWN VIDEO IT IS CALLED POWERTHIRST. HE IS ALSO A TOURING STAND UP COMIC HE HAS ALSO PUBLISHING A BOOK CALLED SOMETHING OR OTHER?

MARK: UH IT’S COMING OUT MAYBE SOON IN CANADA AND MAYBE NEVER DOWN HERE. MAYBE.

MIKE: HE HAS ALSO JUST FINISHED PUTTING THE TOUCHES ON POWERTHIRST 3.

MARK: I WAS SAYING ‘YEAH!’ AND SOME PEOPLE WERE REALLY EXCITED AND OTHER PEOPLE WERE LIKE “LET AN OLD MEME DIE!” NO, IT’S CALLED POWERMOST. I HAD LIKE A BRIEF WHAT I WOULD CALL, IT’S A REALLY OFFENSIVE VIDEO AND I’M GLAD I DIDN’T CALL IT WAS I WAS GOING TO CALL IT.

MIKE: JESSICA IS THE FOUNDER AND CREATOR OF THIS IS WHY YOUR FAT. NEXT TO HER WE HAVE MATTHEW WHO IS FROM FU PENGUIN, HE HAS RECENTLY TOLD ME THAT HE DOES NOT ACTUALLY HATE TINY CUTE ANIMALS SO THAT HAS DASHED EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW ABOUT HIM, I HAVE NO WAY TO RELATE WITH THIS MAN.

MATTHEW: NOW THAT YOU’VE REVEALED THAT, I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO SAY. THE SURPRIZE HAS BEEN RUINED, I’M SORRY.

MIKE: AND THERE IS CHRISTOPH WHO IS THE MASTER OF PUTTING UNICORNS ON THINGS THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW NEEDED UNICORNS ON THEM AT CORNIFY. SO WE’RE GONNA WATCH SOME VIDEOS BY THESE PEOPLE…

[VIDEOS SLOWLY SHOW UP TO THE SOUND OF AUDIENCE CHEERING A LOT]

MIKE: SO MARK, WHY DON’T YOU TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT POWERTHIRST WHILE WE OH SAVED BY THE VIDEO.

MIKE: SO I WAS WONDERING WHAT THE GENERAL INSPIRATION WAS, WHAT POWERTHIRST MEANS TO YOU.

MARK: YEAH OK I FIND MEN’S ADS HILARIOUS SO IT KIND OF COMES FROM THAT. I’M A PRETTY NERDY GUY BUT I’M A BIG SPORTS FAN AND ALL THE ADS ON THAT ARE VERY INTERESTING WHERE I’M JUST A WEIRD UNGENDERED BEAST. I’M WHAT YOUR FRIENDS MIGHT CALL A CRAZY FAG I FYOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY CALL OUR OF CAR WINDOWS AND I’M JUST ENTHRALLED BY THE IDEA THAT THEY’LL SELL THINGS BY BEING LIKE HERE’S A RAZOR GUYS AND WHY USE THIS ONE BHALLL HERE’S A JET OH OKAY THAT’S TOTALLY THE RIGHT RAZOR FOR ME.
WHAT ABOUT THIS DEODORANT WELL LOOK AT THIS CHEETAH FUCKING THIS FERRARI!!!! JUST THIS HILARIOUS IDEA OF SELLING OF AGGRESSION AND THEN ENERGY DRINKS MARKETING THIS VAGUE CONCEPT OF ENERGY, LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE ABLE TO DO WITH THIS ENERGY? WELL, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? I WANNA HAVE 400 BABIES! AND WHAT’S FUNNY IS THAT THE MOST POPULAR ENERGY DRINK COMPANY DOESN’T USE THESE. WHICH IS REDBULL BUT ISNTEAD THEY JUST USE THE MOST CONFUSING ADS IN THE WORLD AND AT THE END THEY’LL BE LIKE REDBULL GIVES YOU WINGS AND THEN THEY HAVE THESE DESCRIPTIONS AT THE END THAT TELL YOU THAT YOU’RE JUST GOING TO GET ENERGY. BUT IF YOU WATCH LIKE MONSTER ENERGY DRINK ADS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, THAT WAS SORT OF THE INSPIRATION.

MIKE: SO NEXT UP WE HAVE ‘THISISWHYYOURFAT.COM’ SO JESS, YOU WANNA TAKE US THROUGH WHAT SOME OF THESE THINGS ARE?

JESSICA: SO THIS IS WHY YOUR’E FAT IS BASICALLY A SITE DEVOTED TO CRAZY OVER THE TOP FATTY FOODS, IT’S LIKE 90 % BACON

MIKE: I HEAR BACON IS VERY HIP THESE DAYS, THAT TRUE?

JESS: IT’S THE THING TO EAT AND DO AND WEAR AND YEAH. THIS WAS A WAY TO PULL TOGETHER ALL THE CRAZY BACON BLOGS, WE SHOULD JUST HAVE A COMMUNITY TO PULL ALL THESE THINGS TOGETHER, AND HAVE THEM IN ONE PLACE. DUDE, THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN HAS BEEN LIKE SUPER – I WANT TO BELIEVE WE INSPIRED IT BUT I HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT. THERE’S LIKE THE QUADRUPLE DOUBLEDOWN, THERE’S THE LUTHER DOUBLEDOWN, A DOUBLEDOWN INSIDE TWO KRISPY KREME DONUTS – IT’S SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT THERE. IT PLAYS OFF THE FOOD TRENDS, MOST OF THEM ARE LIKE BEAUTIFULLY SHOT PHOTOGRAPHS, AND THEY’RE LIKE OOZING MAYO OUT OF THEM AND YOU DON’T WANT TO EAT IT BUT YOUJUST CAN’T STOP LOOKING AT IT.

MIKE: WAS ONE OF THE IDEAS THAT THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION OF THIS STUFF ELSEWHERE ON THE WEB?

JESS: IT WAS LIKE A TREND THAT WAS LURKING IN DIFFERENT CORNERS OF THE WEB, IT WAS HYPER NICHE STUFF AND IT WAS ALL LIKE OVERSIZED FOOD, AND THERE WERE BACON SPECIFIC BLOGS BUT THERE WASN’T AND PLACE WHERE IT WAS ALL TOGETHER AND YOU COULD FIND IT AN CONTRIBUTE YOUR OWN STUFF WAS IT. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER THE PAGE BUT MY FAVORITE THING ON THERE IS THE MEAT SHIP WHICH IS A GIANT SAILING VESSEL MADE ENTIRELY OF MEAT PRODUCTS.

MIKE: NEXT TO JESS WE HAVE MATTHEW WHO IS FROM FU PENGUIN. IS THERE A VOICE FOR FUCK YOU PENGUIN?

MATTHEW: UH THERE’S DEFINITELY A CHARACTER, BUT I THANKFULLY DO NOT HAVE A VOICE FOR THAT CHARACTER. I DID ACTUALLY DO ONE RADIO INTERVIEW IN CHARACTER AND IT WAS FOR ENGLAND, AND THEN I DECIDED NEVER TO DO ONE AGAIN. IT WAS AN ODDLY CALM VOICE, LIKE MY OWN.

MIKE: CAN YOU GIVE US LIKE ONE LINE, MAYBE ABOUT LIKE THE OLIVE SUN BIRD.

MATTHEW: “THE OLIVE SUN BIRD, HUH? FUCK YOU.”

MIKE: DID YOU JUST SIT DOWN AND BE LIKE “YOU NOW WHAT? FUCK YOU PENGUIN! FUCK YOU!”

MATTHEW: LIKE ALL GOOD THINGS ON THE INTERNET, I WAS AT WORK, AND I WAS ALSO SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES AND I SAW A COAT THAT WAS NICE AND IT WAS A PENGUIN COAT FROM A CLOTHING COMPANY AND I SENT AN EMAIL TO MY GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME NOW WIFE ABOUT HOW I COULDN’T AFFORD THAT COAT AND IT SAID FU PENGUIN THEN I IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED IT UP WITH A PICTURE OF A PENGUIN AND IT SAID FUCK YOU PENGUIN. WE ALWAYS HAD KIND OF JOKED ABOUT HOW CUTE ANIMALS KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING TO YOU SO A POLAR BEAR ROLLS OVER ON ITS BACK AND YOU’RE LIKE ‘FUCK YOU, POLAR BEAR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?’

MIKE: DO YOU HAVE ANY HOUSEHOLD PETS?

MATTHEW: I DON’T RIGHT NOW, BUT I’M MOVING NEXT MONTH, AND I’M GETTING A DOG.

MIKE: YOU DON’T PLAN ON HATING IT?

MATTHEW: I PLAN ON RESENTING IT. WE ALL RESENT OUR PETS AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. I THINK THE BLOG IS MEANT TO BE FOR ANIMAL LOVERS, WHICH YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TELL FROM SOME OF THE COMMENTS.YOU LOVE THESE ANIMALS SO MUCH THAT IT CYCLES BACK DOWN TO HATRED. THEY DRIVE YOU SO CRAZY AND YOU WANT TO DONATE MONEY TO WWF OR VOLUNTEER AT AN ANIMAL SHELTER OR EVEN WALK YOUR DOG AT MIDNIGHT AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE DOING IT, BUT THEN TEHY ROLL OVER ON THEIR BELLY AND YOU’RE HELPLESS BUT TO SUBCUM TO THEIR TERROR.

MIKE: AND THEN, NEXT TO MATTHEW WE HAVE CHRISTOPH FROM CORNIFY, WHICH IS A WEBSITE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CORNIFY ANY OTHER WEBSITE. WE’LL CORNIFY CORNIFY JUST SO EVERYBODY GETS AN IDEA OF HOW AMAZING IT IS. CRISTOPH, HOW MANY DIFFERENT IMAGES ARE THERE AND HOW LONG CAN YOU GO TO GET NEW ONES?

CHRIS: THERE ARE ONLY 7 UNICORNS AND 7 RAINBOWS AND THEN IF YOU PRESS 15 TIMES THE GRAND UNICORN APPEARS. [HE DOES AND THE AUDIENCE GOES CRAZY]

MIKE: BUT IT’S ALL OF THE BEST ANIMATED AND UNICORN GRAPHICS.

CHRIS: TEHY’RE HAND PICKED TO BE THE BEST.

MIKE: WHAT WAS YOUR INSPIRATION FOR THE SITE?

CHRIS: I WAS JUST HANGING OUT WITH MY BUDDING UNICORN FRIEND HERE, AL, I WANTED TO TRIBUTE SOMETHING TO HIM AND I WANTED TO BRING IT TO THE WORLD.

AL: ALSO THERE’S A LOT OF MONEY INVOLVED. I LOOKED AT THIS AND I SAW POTENTIONL FOR A LOT OF ADVERTISING, LIKE YOU CLICK A 16TH TIME AND MAYBE A GOOGLE VIDEO COMES UP OR SOMETHING ABOUT CIALIS.

MIKE: I HEAR YOU’RE THE CEO OF CORNIFY INC.

CHRIS: THE CORNIFY DISTRIBUTION PLATFORM FOR UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS, YES. VERY SIMILAR WHAT YOUTUBE DID FOR VIDEOS WE DO THAT FOR UNICORNS AND RAINBOW. JUST LIKE HOW NOBODY USED TWITTER A FEW YEARS AGO? THAT’S HOW WE’RE GOING TO BE. WE’LL HAVE JILLIONS OF USERS.

AL: JILLIONS! THAT’S A LOT!

MOD: THE FIRST SORT OF BIG IDEA OR QUESTION THAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS A WAY TO SEE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT I WANT TO SEE, THER EIS SORT OF THIS VAST EXPANSE OF STUFF, AND WE DON’T JUST WANT TO SEE ANYTHING, WE WANT TO SEE THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING WE CAN IMAGINE, WE WANT TO SEE AS MANY UNICORNS AS WE CAN CRAM ON ONE PAGE, OR THE FATTIES FOODS YOU CAN IMAGINE. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

MATTHEW: I THINK IT’S THAT THE INTERNET IS UNLIMITED, SO WHEN YOU HAVE EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS, YOU WANT THE BEST OF EVERYTHING. YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR NEIGHBOR’S DOG, YOU WANT TO SEE THE AWESOMEST DOG OF ALL TIME WHO IS EATING BIRTHDAY CAKE AND LOOKING LIKE A STONED GUY. THERE’S THIS APPEAL – THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE IS PORNOGRAPHY OF COURSE BECAUSE THAT’S THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE OF ANYTHING IN THE INTERNET. YOU DON’T WANT TO GO LOOK AT A NAKED PERSON, YOU WANT TO GO LOOK AT THE CRAZIEST NAKED PERSON EVER. EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ON THIS EXTRA LEVEL, BECAUSE IT’S LIKE, I HAVE THAT LEVEL NOW, LET’S GO FOR IT.

CHRIS: I THINK IT SPEAKS TO YOUR POINT EARLIER THAT A LOT OF THIS STUFF COMES OUT OF THINGS PEOPLE WERE DOING AT WORK ON THEIR COMPUTER, LIKE YOUR WEBSITE, AND YOU JUST HAVE THIS SPLIT SECOND WHERE NO ONE IS WATCHING AND YOU CAN GET INTO THIS SPLIT SECOND OF SATISFACTION AND THE MORE INTENSE IT IS THE MORE IT TAKES US OUT OF OUR WORLD AND INTO THIS PLACE OF HAPPINESS. THE EXTREMENESS TAKES YOU OUT OF IT AND INTO SOMETHING NEW.

MIKE: TO WHAT DEGREE IS YOUR EVERYDAY INTERNET USE A FORM OF ESCAPISM?

CHRIS: ME SPECIFICALLY?

MIKE: YEAH.

CHRIS: MY DAILY INTERNET USE?

MIKE: YEAH.

CHRIS: I’M A WEB DEVELOPER, SO I SPEND 8 HOURS PLUS ON THE INTERNET, I NEED SOMETHING TO ESCAPE FROM THAT, IF SOMETHING JUST MAKES ME HAPPY, THEN I JUST NEED A BREAK FROM THAT.

JESS: SORT OF PLAYING OFF OF – YEAH, I THINK THERE’S A GUILTY PLEASURE COMPONENT TO IT WHICH PLAYS ON THE ESCAPISM THING TO. YOU KIND OF THINK ABOUT MASTURBATION, IT’S SOMETHING EVERYBODY DOES BUT NOBODY TALKS ABOUT. THE WEB CAN BE YOUR RETREAT IN THAT REGARD. THE WEB GIVES YOU A DEGREE OF DISTANCE + ANONYMITY SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE THIS LIFE ON THE INTENRET THAT YOU MIGHT NOT LIVE IN A MORE SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE ENVIRONMENT

SOMEONE: ARE YOU REFERRING TO CHATROULETTE?

MIKE: AREN’T WE ALWAYS REFERRING TO CHATROULETTE?

JESSICA: LY WOULDN’T EAT THIS IS WHY YOUR FAT. YOU WOULDN’T EAT A DOUBLE DOWN EVERY DAY, BUT YOU GO THERE TO SEE THIS CRAZY CREATIONS BECAUSE YOU GET TO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THESE EXTREME CORNER OF THE WEB.

MARK: YES, ESCAPISM, BUT WHAT I MOSTLY DO WITH THE INTERNET, I RARELY KEEP THE WEB TO MYSELF, I BRING IT TO MY FRIENDS AND THEN WE HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. SO MAYBE ESCAPISM, BUT MAYBE JUST BONDING. MAYBE! CORNIFY THAT SHIT! FRIENDSHIP!

CHRIS: I WILL.

UNICORN: IT’S STUFF TO DO AT WORK OR MASTURBATION BUT IF YOU WERE TO REFER TO CORNIFY.COM, ALL OF THOSE ARE PICS OF MY EXGIRLFRIENDS, SO THE NICE THING ABOUT THAT IS THAT I CAN KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, I CAN GO TO ANY WEBSITE.

JESS: PORNIFY, YOU MIGHT SAY? JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE.

AL THE UNICORN: THANKS.

MIKE: SO I’M ALSO REALLY CURIOUS THERE’S BEEN AN EXPLOSION ON THE INTERNET THE LAST COUPLE YEARS OF CUTE-LOVING. SO CUTE OVERLOAD HAS A HUGE AMOUNT OF THE MIND-SHARE OF PEOPLE LOOKING FOR CUTE ANIMALS, PEOPLE LOOKING FOR THEIR AWWW MOMENT, SPECIFICALLY CORNIFY AND FU PENGUIN, IS IT ALL PEOPLE ARE LOOKING TO ESCAPE LOOKING FOR THAT MOMENT OF AWWW JUST SO THEY CAN FORGET ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND WHAT’S BOTHERING THEM? WHAT HAS BROUGHT US TO THIS POINT WHERE WE ARE OBSESSED WITH CUTE THINGS ON THE INTERNET?

MATTHEW: I THINK IT’S THE AW THING YOU POINTED OUT. WHEN YOU SEE A PICTURE THAT IS A EXTREMELY UNNECESSARILY CUTE ANIMAL YOU HAVE A VISCERAL REACTION AND SOMETHING IN YOU JUST PUSHES THAT ‘FORWARD’ BUTTON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS AND AS YOU GET OLDER IT’S HARDER TO RESIST THAT URGE. FOR SOME REASON PEOPLE, WHETHER IT’S EVOLUTION – I DO WRITE A WEBSITE CALLED FU PENGUIN SO I DON’T WANT TO GET TOO INTELLECTUAL, BUT THERE IS JSUT THIS DESIRE TO TAKE CARE OF THESE ANIMALS AND SOMEHOW THIS TRANSLATE INTO EMAIL FORWARD, BUT CUTE OVER LOAD ITS FUNNY BECAUSE PEOPLE ALWAYS REFER TO MY SITE AS THE ANTICUTECOVERLOAD, BUT I HAD READ CUTEOVERLORD THE FIRST TIME WHEN IT FIRST CAME AROUND, ALTHOUGH I THINK THEIR INSIDER LANGUAGE IS CONFUSING, AND I BRIEFLY HAD A FLAME WAR WITH THEM WHICH WAS HILARIOUS.

MIKE: AN ADORABLE FLAMEWAR? WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?

MATTHEW: WE WERE BOTH NOMINATED FOR A WEB AWARD AND I WAS IN THE ANIMAL CATEGORY WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL, AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO START A CAMPAIGN AGAINST THEM, SO I BASICALLY SAID THAT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CUTE OVERLOAD IS THAT KIDS ARE ENCOURAGED TO LOOK AT CUTEOVERLOAD. SO THEN THEY MENTIONED MY SITE ON THEIR SITE WHICH WAS WEIRD AND I DON’T KNOW WHY THE DID THAT AND PEOPLE STARTED COMING TO MY SITE AND COMPLAINING THAT I WAS BEING MEAN TO THE ANIMALS, AND THEY WOULD SAY THINGS ON THEIR SITE LIKE HOW THEIR SITE IS HOW MUCH BETTER THAN THAT STUPID FU PENGUIN SITE. IT’S JUST KIND OF LIKE ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET THAT PEOPLE JUST GET SO OBSESSED WITH THAT THEY JUST HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT. IT’S LIKE THAT SQUIRREL PICTURE FROM A FEW WEEKS AGO WITH THOSE KIDS LOOKING AT THE SQUIRREL AND IT MERGED WITH THAT KANYE MEME AND IT BECAME A MEME IN AND OF ITSELF. IT’S JUST LIKE THIS SQUIRREL THAT POPS UP INTO A SCREEN, IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, PEOPLE. BUT I GOT EMAILED THAT PICTURE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF TIMES IF NOT THOUSANDS.

MIKE: TO PUT ON THE SITE?

MATTHEW: YEAH, AND EVEN AFTER I PUT IT ON THE SITE.

MIKE: AND ALL RESPECT TO CRASHER SQUIRREL – NOT THAT CUTE!

MATTHEW: IT’S PRETTY CUTE. IT’S NOT LIKE THE KOALA THAT CAME TO TAKE A WATER IN THE BATH WHEN IT WAS TOO HOT, BUT IT’S STILL INTERNET CUTE. MAYBE CNN CUTE AT 11 OCLOCK IN THE MORNING.

MIKE: WHAT IS A CNN, WHAT IS IT, THE TODAY SHOW THAT HAPPENS REALLY EARLY WITH MATT LAUER OR WHATEVER? WHAT IS TODAY SHOW CUTE AND VS FU PENGUIN CUTE?

MATTHEW: THE BIGGEST IS OPRAH CUTE. IF YOU CAN GET ON OPRAH WITH YOUR CUTENESS THEN YOU HAVE PRETTY MUCH MADE IT FOR LIFE THERE IS JUST DIFFERENT LEVELS OF CUTENESS. IT’S LIKE PORNOGRAPHY, YOU KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.

MIKE: SIMILARLY THERE HAS BEEN AN EXPLOSION IN THE EXTREMITY OF CONSUMPTION. THINGS LIKE THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN, WE ALL PROBABLY RECEIVED AN EMAIL THE DAY THE DOUBLEDOWN WAS AN OFFICIAL THING, AND THEY WERE LIKE, COME ON SOMEONE IS GOING TO SELL THIS AND YOU ARE GOING TO WANT TO EAT IT, IT IS A CHICKEN SANDWICH MADE OUT OF ANOTHER CHICKEN SANDWICH. I WOULD BE REALLY CURIOUS TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT WHY THE KFC DOUBLE DOWN IS A THING THAT IS POSSIBLE. WHO DID THEY MAKE THAT FOR? IS IT IRONIC? IS IT NOT IRONIC? ITS SIMILAR FOR ENERGY DRINKS. I SEE THESE COMMERCIALS AND I’M LIKE, ARE THESE PEOPLE FOR REAL DID THEY MEAN THIS? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WHAT IS IT EXPRESSING?

JESS: I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION BUT I DO THINK YOU SEE LIKE THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN, ARE YOU JUST TESTING THE WATERS? SEE HOW EXTREME YOU CAN GO? THEY DID DO TEST MARKETING FOR IT AND THAT’S WHEN WE PUT IT ON OUR SITE AND THEN WHEN IT BECAME A REAL THING WE WERE LIKE “WE ALREADY KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST THING EVER!” AND PEOPLE ARE JUST GRAVITATING TO THE EXTREMES AND LOOKING AT NOVELTY ITEMS.

MIKE: DO YOU THINK YOUR WEBSITE HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH PLANTING THAT IDEA.

JESS: I’D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT IT DID. THEY WERE LIKE WE DON’T NEED BREAD, WHATEVER, JUST PUT CHICKEN ON IT.

MIKE: WHEN PEOPLE ORDER A MC NOVELTY, CAN THEY JUST DO THAT?

JESS: LIKE THE MCGANGBANG, THE CHICKEN SANDWICH BETWEEN THE BURGER PATTIES?

PIZZA: AND HALF OF THAT IS PEOPLE WANT TO GO UP TO A DRIVETHROUGH AND BE LIKE YEAH I’M GONNA COME UP AND TELL PEOPLE I WANNA GANGBANG AND THEN SHE’S GONNA BE LIKE WHAT? AND I’LL EXPLAIN IT TO HER BECAUSE, LIKE, I ACTUALLY WANT IT. IT’S LIKE COUCHING THESE REAL DESIRES IN THIS WEIRD LANGUAGE OF AGGRESSION, I REMEMBER THIS VIDEO OF THESE TWO WOMEN ON THIS AFTERNOON SHOW ON CABLE ACCESS AND IT WAS LIKE TWO DONUTS WITH A BURGER ON IT.

JESS: WAS IT PAULA DEEN? AND I LOVE THAT SHE ALLS IT THE “LADIES’ BRUNCH BURGER.’ LIKE IT SOUNDS FANCY AND PLEASANT.

PIZZA: I’M FROM CANADA, AND MAYBE THAT’S WHY IT LOOKS LIKE CABLE ACCESS TV, BUT THE WHOLE ATMOSPHERE OF THAT SHOW WAS SO WEIRD BECAUSE IT WAS THESE TWO LADIES SAYING ‘OH I SHOULDN’T DO THIS’ ‘OH I SHOULDN’T DO THIS’ AND YOU JUST WANT TO SAY, NO! YOU SHOULDN’T FUCKING DO THIS SO STOP!’ BUT THEY’RE ACTING COY, “OH, AMERICA’S CRAZY THAT THEY’RE LETTING US DO THIS ON TELEVESION” BUT THEY’RE ALL LIKE “NOOOM”

JESS: THAT’S PAULA. THAT’S HER MO.

PIZZA: IS IT ALL LIKE, THE WORLD WANTS US TO EAT HEALTHY? LET’S PACK THESE ARTIES LIKE A SWEET RAVE!

MOD: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE MONSTER TRUCK RALLYIZATION.

PIZZA: WELL, THAT WAS DEFINITELY THE ROOT OF THOSE CRAZY AGGRESSIVE ADS, YEAH? THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT YOU COULD MARKET THAT AWESOMELY. LIKE: DUDE, DO YOU THINK THIS IS A LITTLE TOO AWESOME ADVERTISING? AND THE RESPONSE IS NO IT’S AN AD FOR GOING TO GO SEE TRUCKS ROLL OVER SMALLER TRUCKS. YEAH THAT’S A SWEET MARKETING TACTIC FOR SOME PEOPLE. I MEAN I DON’T THINK IT’LL WORK FOR TWEEZERS. TWEEZERZ TWEEZERS TWEEZERS FUCK YOU MOLE HAIR! I’LL ROLL OVER MY TWEEZERS WITH BIGGER TWEEZERS. JUST EVEN JUST THAT VOCAL EFFECT OF THE REVERB AND THE DOUBLED VOCALS. LIKE YOU’RE GONNA HAVE THAT SET UP LINE “YOU WANNA COME DOWN ON SUNDAY CAUSE YOU’RE GONNA SEE TRUCKS!!!!!!!” ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS TRUCKS AND YEAH.

MIKE: I DIDN’T THINK THAT KIND OF THING EXISTED IN CANADA.

PIZZA: OH, WE HAVE OUR WHITE TRASH. YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF A SHOW CALLED TRAILER PARK BOYS, THE MOST POPULAR THING TO COME OUT OF CANADA OTHER THAN CELINE DION? WE DO HAVE THAT KINDA MEDIA, BUT IT’S LESSER. YOU HAD THE MONSTER TRUST COMMERCIALS AND BY EXTENSIONS THOSE USED CARS ONE, I’M JIM THE RUG SMITH I’VE GOT THE BEST RUGS IN TOWN OH MY RUGS I’M SO PERSIAN. WHAT’ WEIRD IS THAT THOSE THINGS WERE ON THE FRINGE OF REAL MEDIA AND ADVERSISING. WE WERE LIKE OH, THAT’S AWESOME, LET’S USE THAT STYLE, AND NOW THAT’S FED BACK INTO THE MAINSTREAM ADS, SO NOW YOU HAVE THESE OLD SPICE COMMERCIALS THAT IT’S HARD TO IMAGINE EVER EXISTING WITHOUT INTERNET PARODY ADS FIRST. THAT’S SO RIGHT OUT OF THE INTERNET.

MIKE: THIS IS EXACTLY SOMETHING I ASK, WHERE DOES THIS STOP? NOW THAT THIS JOKING PARODY IS FINDING IT’S WAY INTO THE REAL WORLD, ARE WE JUST ON THE FAST CAR STRAIGHT TO HELL. WHAT COMES AFTER THE KFC DOUBLE DOWN.

AUDIENCE: TRIPLEDOWN!!!!!!

MATTHEW: THE SAD THING IS THE DOUBLE DOWN DIDN’T EVEN CRACK THE TOP 100 FATTIEST FOOD. THE TOP THING IS THE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES. THEY’RE ALL LIKE 2500 CALORIES. THE DOUBLEDOWN IS ONLY LIKE 500 CALORIES SO EAT EM WHILE YOU’VE GOT EM.THE DOUBLE DOWN IS ONLY 500 CALORIES

AUDIENCE MEMBER: THERE IS MORE SALT IN THE DOUBLE DOWN THAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO COSUME IN AN ENTIRE DAY.

JESSICA: THERE’S ALSO THE WINDOWS 7 BURGER IN JAPAN THAT WAS LEGIMATITELY SOLD, WITH 7 PATTIES.

MIKE: WE MIGHT NEVER HIT THE CEILING FOR RIDICULOUS FOOD BUT AT SOME POINT WE’LL RUN OUT OF CUTE ANIMALS, WON’T WE?

MATTHEW: THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT PUNK, RIGHT? THAT IT WAS THE END OF MUSIC? BUT THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT! THEY’LL ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE NEWER COOLER AWESOMER THINGS. CAPS LOCK ISN’T AWESOME ENOUGH, LET’S DO 72 PT CAPS LOCK. THEYLL GET BIGGER SCREENS SO THEY CAN READ IT ALL. THE KIDS WILL FIND A WAY.

MIKE: SO THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THE NEW CUTE THING AFTER THE CUTE THING? LIKE DID YOU SEE THE DIK-DIK, THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE DEAR YOU’VE EVER SEEN? SO THERE’S ALWAYS GOING TO BE A NEW THING THAT’S THE MOST ADORABLE THING THAT YOU’VE EVER SEEN.

PIZZA; LIKE IF CLONING EVER GETS TO THE POINT OF MAKING AMINALS SMALLER, LIKE SMALL BEAR? HOLY CRAP, GET READY FOR SMALL BEAR.

MATTHEW: THEY HAVE TEACUP PIGS. THEY ARE PIGS ALMOST THE SIZE OF A TEACUP.

PIZZA; WHAT? DOUBLE DOWN!!!

JESS: SO IT’S LIKE AN INVERSE RATIO, AS THE FOOD GETS BIGGER AND BIGGER THE ANIMALS GET SMALLER AND SMALLER. WE CAN CRAM LIKE MORE ANIMALS INTO ONE SANDWICH.

MIKE: THE CUTEST MOST DELICIOUS THING ON THE PLANET.

MATTHEW: I GET A LOT OF EATERS ON MY WEBSITE. IT’S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

MIKE: THE COMMUNITIES THAT HAVE SURROUNDED THE WEBSITES, IF THERE IS A COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE COMMENTING OR ANOTHER KIND OF CONGREGATION. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE AHVE YOU FOUND AND WHAT SORT OF ADVENTURES HAVE YOU HAD WITH THEM?

CHRIS: I HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING IN A WHILE SO HERE I GO. THE THING WITH CORNIFY THAT’S DIFFERENT IS THAT YOU CAN INSTALL IT ON YOUR OWN WEBSITE, YOU CAN PUT IT ON A BOOKMARKLET, SO MOST OF THE CORNIFY ACTION HAPPENS OFF THE CORNIFY SITE. IT HAS REALLY SPREAD ALL OVER THE PLACE, THEY ARE ALL EXCITED. I DON’T HAVE A DIRECT COMMUNITY ON THE SITE BUT IT JUST SORT OF SPREADS, THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SO GREAT, PEOPLE CAN JUST RUN WITH IT.

UNICORN AL: ACTUALLY I’M IN CHARGE OF AL THE GOOGLE ANALYTICS STUFF AND A COUPLE THINGS THAT YOU’LL FIND IS: EH, FIREFOX USERS? RIGHT GUYS? FIREFOX AND NERDS. JUST GENERAL NERD POPULATION. SO THAT’S ABOUT IT.

CHRIS: THAT’S A GREAT SUMMARY.

MIKE: HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CORNIFIES THAT YOU’VE SEEN OUT IN THE WILD THAT YOU’VE SEEN LIKE SCREEN GRABS THAT WERE REALLY CHOICE?

CHRIS: UH… THE MOST AMAZING ONE THAT WAS JUST THE BEST EXPERIENCE WAS SOMEBODY UPLOADED A VIDEO ON YOUTUBE SOME DESIGN AGENCY IN NY PLAYED A PRANK ON THEIR COWORKERS AND THEY CORNIFIED THEIR WHOLE DESK. THEY PRINTED OUT UNICORNS, TOOK THINGS APART AND PUT UNICORNS INSIDE OF THEM, GLITTER EVERYWHERE, THERE WAS A SIGN ON THE CHAIR SAYING ‘UNICORNS FART GLITTER’ WHICH EXPLAINED WHY THERE WAS GLITTER EVERYWHERE, AND THEY TAPED THE WHOLE THING AND UPLOADED IT AND IT WAS JUST AN AWESOME THING TO COME ACROSS, JUST SO MUCH CREATIVITY.

MATTHEW: I GET PEOPLE TRYING TO SOUND LIKE ME, I’D SAY THE MAJORITY OF THE COMMENTS ARE THAT, AND SOME OF THEM ARE VERY FUNNY, BUT A LOT OF THEM ARE VERY CREPY. I THINK IT’S EASY TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE OR CARNIVORISM WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO INSULT AN ANIMAL, AND PEOPLE THINK OF VERY CREATIVE WAYS TO DO THAT KIND OF THING. THE FEEDBACK ON THE SITE HAS BEEN ALMOST UNIVERSALLY POSITIVE. I’VE HAD PEOPLE IN THE PANELS TALK ABOUT HOW THE INTERNET IS SUCH A NEGATIVE PLACE, BUT MAYBE BECAUSE I DON’T POST MY STUFF ON YOUTUBE.

MIKE: AND ALSO HAVING THE MECHANIC OF YOUR VOICE ON THE WEBSITE IS SORT OF WEIRDLY NEGATIVE, AND THEN HAVING PEOPLE COMMENT WEIRDLY NEGATIVE IS SORT OF A TOOL FOR HIDING THE ACTUALLY NEGATIVE COMMENTS, LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE ‘THAT PENGUIN IS AN ASSHOLE’ AND THEY HONESTLY BELIEVE IT OR WANT TO INSULT YOU, THEY’RE JUST GOING TO GET LOST IN THE SEA OF PEOPLE WHO ARE TELLING THAT JOKE IRONICALLY.

MATTHEW: YEAH, I DON’T KNOW, IT WOULD SEEM LIKE REALLY A LOT YOU’RE REALLY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO CALL A PENGUIN AN ASSHOLE IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT THE PENGUIN IS AN ASSHOLE AND THE PENGUIN PROBABLY DOESN’T READ THE WEBSITE AND IF IT DOES IT PROBABLY DOESN’T READ THE COMMENTS.

JESS: I THINK ON OUR SITE WE TEND TO GET A LOT OF KNOW IT ALLS, THERE AREN’T REALLY NEGATIVE REVIEWS AS MUC AS SAYING “ACTUALLY, THE REASON WHY YOU’RE FAT IS THIS PERCENTAGE OF SATURATED FAT” AND LIKE… WHATEVER. IT ENDED UP TAKING THAT WHOLE FATTY CRAZY FOOD CREATION AND TOOK IT IRL, THIS ACTUALLY EXISTED BEFORE THE SITE, BUT IT’S SORT OF BLOWN UP NOW, IT’S CALLED BACON CAMP. YOU HAVE TO MAKE A BACON CREATION. IT’S FROM SAN FRAN, BUT NOW IT’S ALL OVER THE PLACE.AND I’VE GOTTEN IN THIS WEIRD ROLE JUDGING EXTREME FOOD COMPETITIONS, SO THERE’S A COMMUNITY IN REAL LIFE.

MIKE: I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WHEN I SAY WE KINDA WANNA HEAR SOME STORIES.

JESS: THE LAST COUPLE THAT I JUDGED SADLY THEY DIDN’T GET THAT EXTREME, THEY WERE REALLY JUST LIKE, SERIOUSLY, MY GUACAMOLE IS AMAZING, AND I WAS LIKE, PUT A SAUSAGE IN IT! GET EXTREME MAN!”

MARK: PLEASE APPRECIATE THE SUBTLES OF MY GUACAMOLE, THIS IS MY LIFE’S WORK!

JESS: TREAT MY BACON CREATION GENTLY. – BUT HOLY TACO DID THE ORIGINAL SNACKSTADIUM WHICH I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GUYS HAVE SEEN BUT IT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, A HUGE STADIUM MADE OUT OF SNACK FOODS, LIKE A TWINKIE WALL AND A GUACAMOLE WALL AND THERE ARE ALL KINS OF VARIATIONS AND THERE WAS JUST A HUGE COMPETITION OUT WEST FOR LIKEK THE MOST EPIC SNACK STADIUM YOU COULD COME UP WITH. I DIDN’T GET TO GO TO THAT SADLY, BUT IT’S POSTED ON OUR FACEBOOK AND ON OUR TWITTER.

JESS: IT’S THISISWHYYOU’REFAT ON FACEBOOK. YOU CAN GET TO IT VIA OUR TWITTER TOO WHICH IS @TIWYF. SOMETHING WE GET IS PEOPLE WILL SUBMIT A PICTURE OF A PERSON AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN OVERWEIGHT OR ANYTHING, IT’S JUST LIKE THEIR PROM PICTURE! AND WE’RE LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYING WITH THAT? THIS IS NOT THE POINT OF THE SITE!

PIZZA: ARE YOU SURE IT’S NOT BECUASE THE PERSON WAS GOING TO EAT THAT PERSON? JUST A CANNIBAL LOOKING FOR A COMMUNITY! WHERE’S MY BLOG!

MATTHEW: I DO WANT TO SAY ABOUT THE CORRECTIONS, PEOPLE LOVE TO CORRECT YOU ON THE INTERNET, IT’S LIKE THEIR FAVORITE THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

AUDIENCE: NO THEY DON’T. [BIG LAUGH]

MATTHEW: BUT FOR MY SITE I’M PURPOSEFULLY BEING AN IDIOT SO SOMETIMES I SAY THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE ON PURPOSE, BUT FOR SOMEREASON THEY DO NOT GET THE SARCASM EVEN THOUGH MY SITE IS BASED ON SARCASM. SO FOR INSTANCE I SAID “FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER A BLOG IS BEING TURNED INTO A BOOK?” AND PEOPLE SAID “WHAT ABOUT STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE? YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE.” AND I WAS LIKE… THIS IS THE INTERNET I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT.

MARK: SO YOU NOTICED THAT WE SPELLED LIGHTNING LIKE “LIGHTENING.” SO AT FIRST WE GOT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE SAYING “YOU SPELLED IT WRONG.” THEN THESE AMERICANS CAME TO OUR DEFENSE AND SAID “NO, THAT’S JUST THE CANADIAN WAY OF SPELLING IT” AND IT WAS A HILARIOUS AND MISGUIDED WAY TO BE NICE. EVEN THOUGH IT’S MAKING FUN OF THAT WHOLE GENRE, I JUST DIDN’T IMAGINE THAT PEOPLE WHO WOULD WAKE SPIKE TV AND THINK IT’S AWESOME. ALL THEY SEE IS MANLY DUDES AND HORSES ACTING TOUGH (NOT IN THE ORIGINAL, BUT IN THE NEW ONE, THERE’S A HORSE ON A MOTORCYCLE, I WANT TO BRAG) I GOT EMAILS FROM GUYS IN THE NAVY, DUDES IN THE AIR FORCE LIKE, FUCKIN LOVED YOUR VIDEO BRO! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOUR OTHERS! AND I WAS LIKE… YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY OTHER VIDEOS, DUDE, THEY’RE ME DRESSING UP IN A FAKE MUSTACHE AND SINGING, YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY OTHER VIDEOS, THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU WANT! WE MADE ANOTHER VIDEO THAT’S JUST A LAYWER SCREAMING AT THE CAMERA, BUT AT THE END OF THE VIDEO HE INCLUDED HIS REAL PHONE NUMBER, AND PEOPLE WOULD ANSWER IN CHARACTER AND PEOPLE WOULD BE LIKE ‘OH GOD”. SO THEY WERE OBVIOUSLY FANS ENOUGH THAT THEY WOULD CALL HER. MY WHOLE ROLE IN THAT IS TO JUST SCREAM NONSENSE AT THE CAMERA, AND SO HE’D BE LIKE WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE YOU MIGHT WANT TO TALK TO? AND HE’D PUT ME ON THE PHONE AND THEY’D BE LIKE “WTF IS THIS?” AND THEN I’D BE LIKE “SHOCK JOHNSON FROM THE VIDEO? UH… I’LL GIVE YOU BACK TO LARRY.”

CHRIS: A LOT OF ANGER. MAYBE YOU NEED TO COME TO MY SITE, AND CORNIFY A LITTLE BIT.

MIKE: I’D LIKE THAT VERY MUCH. SO – WE HAVE A QUESTION: DO YOU FEEL LIKE OLD SPICE CO-OPTED POWERTHIRST?

MARK: NO, NO, BUT I THINK, I DON’T KNOW MAYBE A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT INTRODUCED TO THAT KIND OF VIDEO THROUGH POWERTHIRST, AND MAYBE THERE WAS A LONG ENOUGH CHAIN THAT LEAD TO OLD SPICE THAT THEY WEREN’T REALLY INSPIRIED FOR ME. SO I GOT THIS EMAIL WHERE SOMEONE WAS LIKE ‘YOU GOT CITED AS THE INSPIRATION FOR OLD SPICE!’ I GOOGLED IT, AND THEN I WAS SEARCHING AND SEARCHING, AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS SO EGO CENTRIC “COME ONNNN GIVE ME THE CREEEDIIIIITT”

AUDIENCE MEMBER: WHAT’S THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN UNICORNS AND VAMPIRES? BECAUSE THEY BOTH SPARKLE.

UNICORN AL: SO WHAT’S THE WHAT? HUH? SO THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN VAMPIRES AND UNICORNS… UH. WE BOTH LOVE TWILIGHT. THAT IS FOR SURE. I’M ACTUALLY WRITING A BOOK RIGHT NOW THAT’S BASED ON TWILIGHT BUT WITH UNICORNS BUT YOU’RE RIGHT, IT’S SHOCKINGLY EASY TO RIP THAT BOOK OFF. JUST PUT A UNCORN IN HIGH SCHOOL AND HAVE HIM FALL FOR SOMEONE. WRITING IS HARD, GUYS. OH AND UNICORNS AND VAMPIRES ARE BOTH MADE FROM SPARKLES. THAT’S IT. DID I ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.

MIKE: DO YOU THINK ANYONE COULD HAVE STARTED YOUR SITES, WAS IT JUST TIMING, LUCK?

MATTHEW: DO YOU THINK ANYONE COULD HAVE ASKED THAT QUESTION? YEAH. IT’S THE INTERNET. ANYONE CAN START A SITE. YOU HAVE AN IDEA, YOU DO IT. I HAD AN IDEA, AND I PUT IT ON THE WEB. FOR SOME WEIRD REASON IT BECAME POPULAR. I MEAN ALL FOUR OF THESE ARE DIFFERENT, BUT.

JESS: I THINK TIMING FOR TIWYF WAS PRETTY SERENDIPITIOUS BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH TALKING ABOUT ORGANIC AND OBSESSED WITH LITE THIS AND ORGANIC THAT AND THERE WERE ALL THESE OTHER FOOD SITS POPPING UP, IT WAS DEFINITELY TIMING ON OUR SIDE, BUT IT’S A SIMPLE SITE! IT’S ON TUMBLR, ANYONE CAN MAKE A THEMED TUMBLR SITE.

AL: NOBODY ELSE COULD HAVE CREATED CORNIFY.COM, BECAUSE I AM THE ORGINATOR OF THOSE NAKED PICS OF MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

PIZZA: YEAH, ANYBODY COULD HAVE MADE THAT, THERE ARE LOTS OF ENERGY DRINK PARODYS OUT THERE. JUST MOST OF THEM WERE MADE BY PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T HAVE… PH, THE YELLING GUY HAS SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY! YEAH, BUT IT WAS TIMING MOSTLY.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: HELLO. I HAVE A QUESTION. OKAY, SO, NOW THE THINGS THAT YOU TALK ABOUT, FOR INSTANCE, REALLY FATTY FOODS AND ADVERSITING THAT YELLS A LOT AND THE COMEDY OF LOUD THINGS IN GENERAL LIKE GILBERT GODFREY OR DEEP FRIED OREOS. DO YOU THINK THAT THE HYPERBOLE IN OUR CULTURE IS ACTUALLY EXPANDING, OR DO YOU THINK THAT IT IS JUST THAT THE INTERNET IS BRING IT TO US?

AL: I’LL ANSWER SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW; IT’S JUST OUR ACCESS. THE INTERNET BROUGHT THAT FRIED OREO THAT WAS MAYBE ONLY DOWN ON THE JERSEY SHORE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAVING TO HOP ON A PEGASUS AND STROLL DOWN TO THE BOARDWALK AND GETTING A BUZZ FROM YOUR FRIEND – YOU GUYS USE BUZZ, RIGHT? [AUDIENCE LOLS]

JESS: I THINK IT’S A COMBINATION OF THE PLATFORM NEEDING THE CONTENT WE HAVE ACCES, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I THINK THAT ACCESS TENDS TO BREED MORE EXTREME CONTENT, SO I THINK THEY WORK IN TANDEM.

MARK: I THINK THE INTERNET IS INCREASING THE AMOUNT OF HYPERBOLE WE’RE EXPOSED TO. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WRITE A LETTER IN ALL CAPS. INTERNET COMMUNICATION IS JUST “I’M GOING TO BE FUCKING BIGGER ABOUT ALL THIS” I DIDN’T DO IT A LOT BEFORE I STARTED GOING ONLINE.

MATTHEW: WELL THERE’S ALSO – AND THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID 1000 TIMES – THE ANONYMITY. YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT AND THERE’S NO CONSEQUENCES. IT’S ACTUALLY FUNNY THAT I’M ON THIS PANEL, BECAUSE I HATE WHEN PEOPLE WRITE IN ALL CAPS LOCK, IT’S SO GRATING ON ME. I JUST THINK THAT INTERNET LANGUAGE IS HILARIOUS. IT’S A LITTLE INFANTILE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT’S HYPER AGGRESSIVE. THERE IS A GREAT BLOG CALLED MY NEW FIGHTING STYLE IS UNSTOPABLE. IF YOU WANT TO SEE INTERNET LANGUAGE TAKEN TO EXTREME, THEN CHECK OUT HIS BLOG. I NEVER WOULD HAVE WRITTEN A BLOG IN ALL CAPS UNTIL I READ HIS BLOG, BUT THINKING ABOUT IT IN THAT CONTEXT. IF YOU CAN USE IT IN A WAY THAT IS FUNNY TO PEOPLE INSTEAD OF OBNOXIOUS, THEN YOU KIND OF TAKE IT’S POWER AWAY A LITTLE BIT.

CHRIS: IT GOES MANY WAYS THOUGH. WE HAVE MORE ACCESS TO ALL THIS GOOFY STUFF BUT I CAN GO ON WIKIPEDIA AND LOOK UP ANYTHING I WANT, GO ON FACEBOOK AND LOOK UP PICTURES OF PEOPLE WHO I HAVEN’T SEEN IN 5 YEARS.

MARK: I LIKE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT YOU’RE SHOUTING AT PEOPLE WHEN YOU’RE USING CAPS LOCK. I GUESS I’M LIKE AN INTERNET LUDDITE, I STILL TYPE THINGS LIKE “HAHAHA” OR “I AM LAUGHING AT THE STATEMENT” IT WAS FUN TO SEE THAT DEVELOP INTO SOMETHING BIGGER, LIKE LOL BECAME SO POPULAR, THAT IT BECAME SOMETHING TO “I AM NOT ONLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD, I AM ALSO ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING ABOUT IT AND MY ASS IS ELSEWHERE” AND SOMEONE WOULD SAY ROFL AND I WOULD BE LIKE “YOU’RE A LIAR”

MATTHEW: IT’S FUNNY IN YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE TO SEE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY OLD PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO USE COMPUTERS USING THE LETTER U INSTEAD OF YOU IN PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATION. LIKE THAT IS WEIRDING ME OUT, STOP DOING THAT PLEAS

MARK: I THINK THE FIRST TIME I READ ROSIE O’DONNELS TEXT LOGS. THIS IS SOMEWHOW WORSE FOR ME THAT THAT MOVIE WHERE YOU PLAYED THAT GIRL WITH DOWN’S SYNDROME. LIKE, THIS IS THE STRAW.

MIKE: IT SOUNDS LIKE THE OPINION IS THAT NO ONLY DOES THIS GIVE US THE HYPERBOLE. I THINK ABOUT MY FATHER WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THE EXTREMEITY OF THINGS THAT GO ON AND I WONDER IF THAT MAKES YOU MORE OR LESS OF AN INTERNET USER TO KNOW IF THOSE THINGS DO OR DO NOT EXIST.

MATTHEW: YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND. UH, I’LL TALK. THE INTERNET, WOW. I THINK I MEAN THEY SAY PEOPLE ONLY GO TO LIKE THREE SITES. IT’S YOUR OWN NARROW CORNER OF THE UNIVERSE. IT’S WEIRD TO ME BECAUSE I STARTED A BLOG AND WROTE A BOOK AND ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE LIKE CONTACTING ME ABOUT IF THEY LIKED THE BLOG OR DIDN’T LIKE THE BLOG AND ALL THESE PEOPLE SAYING “THE BLOG IS OVER, THAT’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE” – BUT I SITLL GET LIKE 1000S OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER HEARD OF IT GETTING TO THE SITE EACH DAY. I BET THERE ARE EVEN PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM WHO ARE LIKE “OH FU PENGUIN, I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.” I MEAN PEOPLE JUST HAVE A CORNER OF THEIR WORLD, EVEN DIGG POWER USERS ARE ONLYSEEING THEIR ONE LITTLE CORNER.

JESS: IT’S WEIRD, BECAUSE YOUR SITE WASN’T LEGITIMIZED UNTIL YOU WERE BROUGHT INTO THIS OLD MEDIA. YOU’RE LIKE “OH GOD, PLEASE LET ME GET A BOOK DEAL.”

MATTHEW: IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A STRANGE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS, TELL THEM YOU WRITE A BOOK CALLED FU PENGUIN. AND THEN THEY’LL START TELLING THEIR FRIENDS: “HE WROTE A BOOK CALLED FU PENGUIN.” “WHUUUUUUT??” “EFF! YOU! PENGUIN!”

AUDIENCE: IS THIS IRONIC HYPERBOLE SOMETHING THAT’S ENDEMIC TO 30 SOMETHING’S WHITE PEOPLE.

MATTHEW: I’M 28 SO FUCK YOU.

MARK: 27! OHHHH!

MATTHEW: I DON’T KNOW, SARCASM IS OUR GENERATION I GUESS, IT’S OUR SECURITY BLANKET. WE GREW UP WATCHING THE SIMPSONS, PROBALBY MORE INFLUENTIAL THAN ANY OTHER THING IN OUR GENERATION IN TERMS OF COMEDY, THEY DO A LOT OF SARCASM, SO THAT’S THE DEAL.

AUDIENCE: IT’S EVERYONE WHO DIDN’T GO TO WOODSTOCK.

MARK: DID YOU GO TO WOODSTOCK? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

MATTHEW: I LIED, I’M 65 AND I DID GO TO WOODSTOCK, SO FUCK YOU.

MARK: THERE’S NO WAY. I DON’T HAVE ANY CLEAR IDEA.

JESS: LARRY DAVID’S NOT 30SOMETHING. HE’S PRETTY MANIC.

MARK: WE’RE HAVING THIS GREAT CONVERSATION TO AVOID RACE THINGS. OH, THIS AGE THING IS VERY LIMITING!

MATTHEW: YES, I AM WHITE, THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE. BUT YA KNOW I CAN’T REALLY CHANGE THAT.

AUDIENCE: WHAT RACE IS THE UNICORN?

AL: WELL, MY MOM IS WHITE – ALABASTER, WE CALL IT -

MATTHEW: YEAH, HE WRITES FOR THE ONION.

AUDIENCE: SO DO WE! AND NEITHER OF US ARE WHITE!

PIZZA: I CAN SEE THESE GUYS FROM WHERE WE’RE SITTING, AND THEY’RE TELLING THE TRUTH.

AUDIENCE: DO YOU ALL HAVE DAY JOBS, AND DO YOU CHECK AND EDIT YOUR OWN SITE WHILE YOU’RE DOING THEM.

MATTHEW: MY SITE GOT BLOCKED AT MY JOB. IT GOT BLOCKED FOR SEX. WITH A PERIOD.

AL: YES. BUT AGAIN, WHEN I’M DOING IT, I’M MASTURBATING. [CHRIS RUBS HIM ON THE NOSE]

JESS: YES.

MARK: NO. NO DAY JOB, BUT MAKING THAT IS NOT MY INCOME. OTHER FORMS THAT BROADLY RELATE TO THAT, BUT IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF I COULD JUST MAKE INTERNET VIDEOS AND MAKE MONEY FROM THAT.

MIKE: ASIDE FROM THE QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE DAYJOBS OR WHETHER OR NOT YOU CHECK THEM DURING DAY JOBS. HAVE THE BLOGS IMPACTED YOUR DAY JOBS.

MATTHEW: WELL IT WAS A GREAT CONVERSATION I HAD WITH MY BOSSES WHEN I TOLD THEM ABOUT THE BLOG, BECAUSE IT’S NOT QUITE AS AMAZING AS TELLING YOUR GRANDPARENTS THAT YOU WRITE A BLOG CALLED FUCK YOU PENGUIN, BUT YOUR BOSSES ARE ALSO PRETTY SPECIAL FOR THAT MOMENT. – THERE WAS A SITUATION IN WHICH ONE OF THE CLIENTS, I WORK IN MARKET RESEARCH, WAS A FAN OF THE SITE, SO MY BOSS WAS TRYING TO GET ME TO MEET THEM TO GET MORE BUSINESS. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN SO I WAS HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

JESS: I WORK FOR A SITE CALLED BUZZ FEED, SO I’M LUCKY ENOUGHT O BELIEVEING IN THE CRAZY WEIRD MEME CRAZHER SQUIRREL WORLD, SO THEY FEATURE A LOT OF THIS IS WHY YOU’RE FAT KIND OF STUFF. AND I CHECK MY SITE WHILE I’M AT WORK. HOPEFULLY MY BOSS ISN’T HERE.

CHRIS: I WORK FOR AN INTERACTIVE FIRM AND WE MAKE VERY SERIOUS SITES FOR BIG COMPANIES, AND THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE INVOLVED AND THEY ALL THINK EVERYTHING IS VERY IMPORTANT. FOR A SILLY LITTLE SITE LIKE CORNIFY TO COME ALONG AND GET MORE PEOPLE TO LOOK AT THAN SOMETHING THEY SPENT TONS ON – THAT GIVES ME PROPS AS A ‘VIRAL MEDIA EXPERT’ AND ‘SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT’ SO I GUESS I HAVE THOSE TITLES NOW. I’LL MAKE UP MORE TONIGHT.

MIKE: SO AFTER YOU’RE DONE MAKING A WEBSITE AT WORK, DO YOU JUST GO HOME AND CORNIFY IT.

CHRIS: OH YEAH. I EVEN CORNIFY IT AT WORK.

MIKE: DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY FAVOURITE SITES?

MATTHEW: I STILL DO WANT TO SHOUT OUT MY FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE CAUSE IT’S AWESOME.

MARK: [WE COULDN'T HEAR]

AUDIENCE MEMBER: DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RECENT SUCCESS OF THE UNICORN ATTACK?

CHRIS: UNICORNS AHVE BECOME REALLY POPULAR FOR MARKETING. THERE WAS WINDOWS 7 AMAZING ADVERTISING WHERE THIS LITTLE GIRL CREATES AWESOME SLIDESHOWS, LIKE, LITTLE GIRLS CREATE SLIDESHOWS IN POWERPOINT? AND ONE SLIDE WAS JUST SPARKLES AND UNICORNS AND ‘WINDOWS 7 IS MAGICAL.” IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF CORNIFY WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR THAT. NEXT TIME IM’ IN A BRAINSTORMING MEETING I’M GOING TO PULL OUT UNICORNS.

AUDIENCE: DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE VIDEOS WHERE YOU’RE DOING THESE EXTREME PERSONALITIES, DO YOU USE THAT IN YOUR STAND UP, OR DOES THE INTERNET LET YOU BE MORE EXTREME, OR DO YOU KEEP THOSE SEPARATE?

MARK: THE QUESTION WAS DID THE INTERNET LET ME BE MORE EXTREME IN MY COMEDY AND DO I KEEP IT SEPARATE. NOT BY CHOICE, I’D LOVE TO DO THAT STUFF LIVE ON STAGE, BUT THERE’S A SET OF EXPECTATIONS WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. IF I TRY TO ACT EXTREME PEOPLE ARE LIKE “WHAT IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT? CALM DOWN, DEXTER.” FOR AWHILE I TRIED TO PUSH IT IN THAT DIRECTION BUT IT’S DIFFICULT. IT’S ALSO DIFFERENT HERE IN THE US BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT OF INDEPENDENT CLUBS AND IT’S AWESOME, AND IN CANADA YOU’RE PERFORMING IN CHAINS AND FOR MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE OUT ON DATE NIGHT. SO IT’S MANAGING EXPECTATIONS, THEY EXPECT ME TO HAVE A CERTAIN KIND OF COMEDY.

AUDIENCE: SO YOU GUYS ARE KIND OF AT THE MORE CLEAN END OF THE EXTREME SPECTRUM. WHAT ABOUT THINGS LIKE 2 GIRLS 1 CUP ENTERING THE CULTURE? RULE 34S?

MARK: DOUBLE DOWN!!!

CHRIS: I GUESS THAT DEPENDS ON WHO YOU ASK, FOR ME UNICORNS ARE VERY PURE. BUT FOR AL, IT’S VERY DIFFERENT…

AL: YEAH 2 GIRLS 1 CUP IS A BOOK MARK OF MINE. VERY GOOD, UH, ARTICLE.

MARK: I’VE ACTUALLY NEVER SEEN – UH – SHOULD I NOT WATCH IT?

MATTHEW: THIS IS A PERFECT SITUATION FOR 2 GIRLS 1 CUP, BECAUSE YOU CAN ALL BE WATCHING IT AND I CAN BE WATCHING YOU.

MARK: I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A PARABLE FOR THE RECENT RECESSION? 2 GIRLS AND THAT HAVE TO SELL ONE CUP?

MIKE: NO, IT’S ACTUALLY ABOUT POOP.

PIZZA: NO? IT’S LIKE A 2 BIRDS ONE STONE KIND OF THING?

JESS: I DO THINK IT’S COOL, IF YOU WATCH THE VIDEO YOU CAN’T GET IT OUT OF YOUR MIND EVER, BUT WHAT LIVES ON NOW IS THE REACTION VIDEOS AND THE SECOND STUFF IN THAT IS WHAT MADE THE PHENOMENON. IT WASN’T THE VIDEO THE PEOPLE WERE PUMPED ABOUT, IT’S THE REACTION TO IT.

MIKE: SO DOES IT END UP BEING NEITHER POSITIVE NOR NEGATIVE.

MARK: I DID SEE ONE VIDEO THAT WAS LIKE “TRICKING MY GRANDMA INTO WATCHING 2 GIRLS 1 CUP” AND YOU’RE LIKE “THIS IS THE WORST PRANK IN THE WORLD, I SHOULD GO TRY TO STOP THIS” AND YOU SEE GRANDMA SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING AND THEN SHE DOESN’T LEAVE THE ROOM, SHE WATCHES IT.

MIKE: THERE’S AN INTERVIEW! BASICALLY THEY JUST SAY THAT SOME PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET THINK THAT WE DIDN’T ACTUALLY SHOW IT TO YOU, DID WE ACTUALLY SHOW IT TO YOU, ANSWER TRUTHFULLY! AND SHE JUST SAYS, YES.

MATTHEW: THERE’S SOME AMOUNT OF SHOCK VALUE TO ALL THESE THINGS. IT’S OBVIOUSLY MILES AWAY FROM 2 GIRLS 1 CUP, BUT – SEEING FUCK AND PENGUINE TOGETHER IS ONE THING FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT’S NOT A NORMAL CLICK ON THE INTERNET, I THINK THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF SHOCK VALUE IN CUTENESS AND THINGS. WHENYOU OPEN UP A PICTURE AND IT’S THE COOKIE BUNNY IT’S JUST AMAZING, IT’S A BUNNY AND IT’S STEALING A COOKIE.

MIKE: ARE YOU COMPARING COOKIE BUNNY TO 2 GIRLS 1 CUP?

MATTHEW: UH, NO?

MARK: TWO COOKIES. ONE BUNNY. THAT’S A LUCKY BUNNY.

MIKE: THAT’S DEFINITELY A VIDEO I WOULD WATCH. WITH MY GRANDMA.

UNICORN: I’M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS.

CHRIS: I’D JUST LIKE TO APPEAL TO EVERYONE TO SAY WITH BARACK OBAMA “YES WE CORN.”

MIKE: THANK YOU EVERYONE! THIS HAS BEEN CAPSLOCK!

Mahir Cagri (I Kiss You)
David Devore (Father, David After Dentist)
David A. Devore (Son, David After Dentist)C
Charlie Schmidt (Keyboard Cat)
Christian Sandvig (The Berkman Center for Internet and Society) [Moderator]

It was a tale as old as the internet. Boy meets internet. Boy posts personal thing online. Thing becomes massively famous. Here we have three cases of unintentional internet fame, ten years apart. A lot changed. What was similar? What was different?

Recorded by: @wphillips49 & @devanjedi
Edited by: @alexleavitt

NOTE: This is not a full transcription of the panel. If you have any corrections, please contact alex@roflcon.org.

Christian: I’m not internet-famous. Basic introductions:

Charlie: I am Charlie Schmidt and I have the keyboard cat.

[major applause!]

David Sr: I’m the disembodied voice from “David after Dentist.”

David: I’m David from “David after Dentist.”

[big applause]

Mahir: My name is Mahir.

Christian: Could you also just introduce yourself?

Mel: I am Mahir’s manager.

Christian: What we’ll do is, I have some questions, have run them past the panelists already so no surprises. Then we’ll open up to your questions. First, can you tell us some sort of amazing that’s happened to you as a result of your internet celebrity? Let’s start with the good.

David Sr: I would have to say, the whole experience, maybe not what was public, but what we’ve been able to experience as a family…we’ve been able to meet people, go places we never would have been able to do otherwise.

Christian: Aren’t you a YouTube partner now?

David Sr: Yeah, we share in the revenue: that happened a few weeks in, I pushed that button and everything’s been good since then.

Christian: What kind of money? Ballpark? Too crass?

David Sr: Yeah, but, with licensing, I just signed a deal in the UK, we’re probably at about $125,000.

[applause]

David Sr: Thank you for clapping.

Christian: Someone else? What good things?

Mahir: I must say many things. I first Internet celebrity. When I decided to do my web site. First day 800,000 people visited my site. Very simple web site. Only my pictures, my words. Then I am happy. I did many interesting things. I have many fans all over the world, US, Europe, Scandinavia. I am happy because I can use my face for good things. I have many famous fans like Julia Roberts, David Bowie. I continue living many nice, interesting things. If I live I can see many nice things.

Charlie: It reaffirms that in life if you do what you want to do full blast, something good will happen. I didn’t have a job, I just had a cat, a camera and a keyboard and just do the best with what you have. That’s what everyone should do. IF nothing happens, at least you did something you wanted to do.

Christian: So you’re saying, you’re passionate about putting your cats in a onesie.

Charlie: We try to humanize the cat.

Christian: Does your child also play the keyboard?

Christian: So the bad thing?

Charlie: The original keyboard cat died and went to heaven. There are no bad things that happened, but the reincarnated keyboard cat Bento pees on the rug.

Christian: I understand that Bento also plays the keyboard in a onesie?

Charlie: Bento also plays the keyboard. Right now, just for ROFLcon, Bento playing the Bongos is on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyctD6D1YAA

Christian: We just lost the whole audience…also, Bento was supposed to join us tonight but he’s fallen ill. So I would like to dedicate the panel to Bento’s health.

Charlie: He got sicker than a dog. They gave him a CATscan. $1400, blood transfusion, the whole bit.

Christian: Would the rest of the panel like to address, something BAD that came out of your internet celebrity?

Mahir: Sacha Baron Cohen stole my character and did the movie. All newspapers, TV say this. Borat stole Mahir. Guardian, NY Times, USA Today said that Borat stole Mahir your clothes, your words. I leave all good things. People love me.

Christian: The follow up, did you correspond with Sacha Baron Cohen?

Mahir: Why I must connect with me. He should connect to him. I never want to contact him before he did his movie.

Christian: So there was no communication, no participation in Borat?

Mahir: He must.

Christian: One of the Davids?

David Sr: Obviously the mischaracterization of what I’d done… people saying I was a bad parent, that the car was moving, which it wasn’t. Hearing that stuff made me cringe, and I got defensive at times. The worst example was… a columnist, Mary something, I guess her daughter came home excited and showed Mary the video and she was upset, why was this so funny, so instead of reaching out, doing some research maybe, she decided to give her own opinion, which she’s entitled to, but she wanted child protective services to be called… I don’t know what I did was wrong, I don’t see how taking your kid to the dentist, putting him in a seatbelt, and filming it… was child abuse. That I filmed it, I guess it was supposed to be child abuse?

Christian: We have a way of addressing the child abuse question, so David, do you feel exploited?

David: [emphatically] No I do not.

Christian: Would you like to elaborate?

David: The people ask my parents but they never ask me. If it’s embarrassing me or not. It’s not!

David Sr: David came up with that all on his own, he was wondering why people would ask me but not him.

Christian: So what kinds of fame does David Jr. experience because of this? Is her recognized?

David: Yeah.

Christian: A lot?

David: Sort of.

David Sr. It’s the best of both worlds, we used to test it sometimes, about half the time people knew who he was. And were really happy to meet David. We’ve also walked around, maybe not here, but mostly no one knows who we are.

Christian: I want to extend the same question to the other panelists…how often are you recognized? Charlie, was Fatso recognized?

Charlie: Not in her lifetime. But she knows about it. And that’s why she’s back as Bento. It’s all a big circle.

Christian: What about you Mahir, are you often recognized? Your hat has your name on it.

Mahir: You must ask my cheeks because of the many kisses.

Christian: We’ve come to the end of my planted questions, what about you guys. I’d like to ask Charlie in particular, how did the video get discovered?

Charlie: I had it on my website for a long time, 1 hit a year. I put it on YouTube. That was only 2 years ago. This guy named Brad juxtaposed it to the word FAIL, he emailed me to ask for permission to use it. When someone says maybe you can be famous, you just do it. He is not a normal person, and neither am I. He had the vision that putting a cat on a wheelchair and putting it down the stairs is something people would want to see. So many emails I can’t read them. I’d love to teach a cat how to read.

Christian: I’d love to expand this question, are there any sides of popularity, some detail that isn’t well known? How did your videos break out?

David Sr: In that first week it was radio. Our video is unique because it’s a sound bite, I don’t know if it was timing or what, but some morning show people, they played the clip and then went straight to YouTube before going on with their day. The only real proof is that that first week we did a lot of radio interviews. I thought that was interesting, helped it go viral.

Christian: Mahir, how did your website become the sensation we know?

Mahir: My home telephone non-stop calling November 1999. I opened and somebody talk about English, somebody France, somebody Espanol. Shocked.

Christian: Did your page have your phone number on it?

Mahir: Yes. I wrote everything about my life correct. My home telephone. How can I know whole world suddenly call me. Then 5 November, when I wake up I can’t answer all telephone, I told my friends come help me talk telephone. First shock, surprise, I understand- I ask somebody why you call me, how you know me, she said I visited your website. Then I understood people visit the website.

Christian: I believe you said you’d wanted more friends.

Mahir: Then thousands. I am only one person, all the world at me. Hollywood offered movie, Universal wanted. Then step-by-step, 800,000 people visited and crashed my web site. Very interesting world, you don’t need visa. Only kiss, and I wrote about my life. I play music instrument. I love travel. I wrote about normal things. But suddenly famous.

Christian: I understand there was controversy, if your fame was partly due to your website being hacked, and people adding words that you didn’t write.

Mahir: First my site some Turkish guy hacked other places. But kept original site. No changes. Then I couldn’t find my site. Where is my site?

Christian: So the words on the website were all yours, or some were written by the hacker?

Mahir: No one changed anything. He wanted only hits.

Christian: Who doesn’t? Now we have questions for a variety of panelists. We have a question for little David, do your friends know about the video?

David: They do, but they never really say anything anymore. They used to. They mention it sometimes, like before I came here I told them.

Christian: You remind them.

David: I tell them, like when I’m on any shows. Like the Superbowl.

Christian: A lot of shows?

David: Mainly interviews.

Christian: How many?

David: I don’t know.

Christian: Does big David know?

David Sr: More than 50, less than 100. Last week we had Inside Edition at the house, a morning show in Australia, in Germany… [references parody video person in audience]

Christian: Some people say the parodies are funnier than the original video…

David: No it isn’t!

Christian: This is a leading question from the Backchannel. Where’s the money going? To David’s college?

David Sr: No, well. This has allowed us to continue the lifestyle we had before, I was in real estate in FL; that should tell you something. That was the short term vision. In the last 6 months we’ve realized we could do more long-term, I think we’re gonna somehow incorporate this into our next video. In our video we might sign up for some pre-paid college… we’ll see. That’s one of our goals.

Christian: I haven’t heard any of the other internet celebrities talk about charity…

[audience laughs]

Christian: What about you, Charlie? Any favorite videos?

Charlie: Wow. There is so many. It’s different for me every day. I kind of like the one where the very overweight African American women is dancing on a coffee table. And the table goes down but she’s hurting really bad. It’s her looking at herself, and being surprised. [applause] and then having the courage to upload it.

Christian: I’m gonna look that one up. So it’s actually gone off the Backchannel, because it seems like a hard question, but I’ll ask it anyway… there’s a distinction between laughing with and laughing at. Particularly Mahir, do you feel your fans are mocking you in their responses?

Mahir: If people visit my site, if they smile, this is good every time. Because people need smile to be happy. This is a good thing. I am happy.

Christian: Another question is, what do you guys do for a living? And Mahir, what have you been up to for the last ten years?

Mahir: I did many things. I did TV shows in US, Europe. I can’t control my life because this time 3 camera followed me everywhere my documentary. To be famous is too hard, people follow you. You can’t secret life, no, finish it. All people want to see you, follow you. This time maybe I will go Hollywood, do my movie.

Christian: Could you tell us about your movie?

Mahir: There are many offers. Somebody want to see Mahir, Peter Sellers. I don’t know my acting capacity. I try to do nice things to because I am famous. I love music, sport, sex. I go to Africa help kids, try do do good things because I am famous. Other problems, Animal rights, orphans, homeless people.

Christian: Could you give me an example of the good things?

Mahir: I went to many countries in Africa, I see kids without arms. [I like sex]. I try to do good things.

Christian: There’s a lot of tittering in the audience. He is saying what you think he’s saying. So — Charlie, what have you been up to?

Charlie: I do create things on the internet, paint draw, creative endeavors. If you add it all together, this is what you get.

David Sr: I’m not doing the real estate stuff any more, I’ve been doing this full time. Managing our small empire. It’s allowed me to have a lifestyle that I also enjoy doing. But it’s fun doing this as well.

Charlie: I started the Keyboard Cat Church, and it has helped a lot of people.

Christian: You’re ordained?

Charlie: Yeah. keyboardcatchurch.com, I am not making this up, it helps people

[audience laughs]

Charlie: People have adored and deified things a lot stranger than my cat. If you need help, check out my web site. If you don’t, that’s OK.

Christian: I’ll be looking at it. So there’s a question people have been dying to ask. David, is this real life?

David: Yes.

Christian: I’m a little surprised at the Backchannel… people want to know if you read theoretical works about this… I’m guessing no, but…

David Sr: There are books about internet fame?

Christian: The academic’s lament.

[audience laughs]

Charlie: Because you can’t explain stuff. It’s just baloney. Everyone can tell you what just happened. You just take your chances.

Christian: In defense of academics… the most famous media scholars work or have worked here… it’s a living…

Charlie: You’ve got a point. Cat food isn’t cheap. I’ve got 3 cats.

Christian: Have you read academic works about your life?

Mahir: My life, I can’t read anything but everybody reads me. There are masters and doctoral thesis taking Mahir as an Internet meme. And researching why he is famous.

Christian: yeah I don’t know. Sorry Backchannel. Anyone have any questions to shout out?

David Sr: Copyright stuff?

Christian: Right, so remix, fair use…

David Sr: I don’t charge anyone to see our video… on YouTube, people use it to create something, that’s fine, but if I see something that’s just to drive traffic, to rip us off, I use content management software to take care of it. Which drives traffic to us to… but licensing, some people outright steal it. Like Ebaumsworld, they don’t care about the copyright…

Christian: Are there people making money off you?

David Sr: The news organizations, the clip shows, yeah, but then it becomes a matter of economics. Lawsuits aren’t cheap. It’s just more — it’s nice to be asked.

Christian: Charlie, was there a transaction between you and Brad?

Charlie: No, he asked permission. He said he would monetize it. He might make money off it.

Christian: Are there knockoff keyboard cat t-shirts?

Charlie: Oh yeah. Right now there are. There’s counterfeit money out there, still the real thing is worth more. Who can beat keyboard cat? No one can.

Christian: Apparently Bento.

Charlie: Yeah, Bento can. If it weren’t for people taking stuff and sharing it, none of us would be here. I mean we would be on earth, but we’d be eating a cheeseburger alone somewhere. That’s fine too. I’m hungry.

Christian: That’s right, we’d be on earth but not at ROFLcon. Now, I can’t speak for the organizers of ROFLcon, but if we COULD get Sacha Baron Coen to talk to you, what kinds of things would you say to him about Borat?

Mahir: I can’t say anything. What I can say?

Christian: What’s that?

Mahir: He did a movie. He never connect with me.

Christian: So you hadn’t tried to contact him…

Mahir:

Christian: So you made a lawsuit…

[manager pulls Mahir back]
Manager: We are in to it for a lawsuit, it is confidential and can’t talk about it. If Sacha Baron Cohen and Mahir meet, Mahir won’t talk at all. He is very upset. Two points: Sacha copied his web site. And Borat gives Mahir a bad impression, because Mahir is a positive person does not do all the bad things Borat does.

Christian: But you DO share that swimsuit.

[Manager asks audience if they should sue Borat.]

[Audience mostly no.]

[Manager asks audience to compare Borat trailer and Mahir's webpage -- audience does.]

Audience man: Do you find yourself compulsively filming everything your children do?

David Sr: No, it’s never to try to recapture that same thing. I think I’ve had my one… don’t want to push my luck.

Christian: What about the dentist?

David Sr: There were two, a regular dentist and an oral surgeon. The family dentist thinks it’s hilarious, the oral surgeon wants nothing to do with it. We talk about it when we go to the dentist.

Christian: Now we’re all for love and happiness and cats, but if I could return to a theme from earlier, did you have any uncomfortable personal experiences because of your fame? Difficult conversation, inappropriate appropriation of your work…

David Sr: Our neighbor, where we lived at the time, did NOT like the video. And our relationship changed after that, and she had a really hard time with it because it showed a kid on drugs, medication, still a drug, because her brother passed away from drug abuse…and the family contends it was due to him being given novocaine as a child. I don’t agree, and the kids still played, but… the grownup relationships totally changed. Or, when people ask you what you do for a living.

Christian: Do you have a concise answer? What you do for a living?

David Sr: It changes every time, I have to come up with something better, something consistent…

Christian: David Jr’s could be “dental patient,” it’s been very lucrative for you. What about you Charlie?

Charlie: Really, no. I know things have a positive and negative side. But not keyboard cat. Just a problem with a carpet in that one corner.

[Charlie almost falls out of chair]

Christian: Mahir, you wanna answer? Is there an uncomfortable situation? Besides Sacha Baron Cohen?

Mahir: My grandmother angry me why all these girls want to kisses you. She says Mahir choose one girl. I say only kisses, I don’t say other things.
Christian: We appreciate that. So… the scary side, that’s what the Backchannel questions are about. Anything scary? Charlie, I know there’s that one spot of carpet…

Charlie: If the internet went away, it would be bad.

David Sr: We’re only planning 6 months out at a time. We’re still getting 150,000 hits of the video every day…

Christian: But scary? What about the scary things?

David Sr: Sometimes people call and tell us our address, to show us how dangerous it is to be so visible…

Christian: The Backchannel already found your dentist.

[points to screen]

Christian: Is it [name of dentist]

David Sr: No.

Christian: Can we get 4chan to check on that?

Audience: what is your advice to someone on the beginning of internet fame?

Charlie: if there are keywords that define it, then go buy the URL. Somebody else will, if you don’t. Before it happens, make sure you own everything in it. If you don’t the song or something in it, you’ll be famous but not rich.

David Sr: Get a good screen printer. I wish I’d jumped on that earlier, I had to reinvent the wheel, be all cute about it…would have liked to get “is this real life” on a shirt, but…

Charlie: Zazzle.com/yourname

Mahir: CafePress made my shirts when I was famous without permission. The head of Cafepress flew to Turkey and apologized to me.

Christian: What other pieces of advice do you have?

Mahir: Be open about your life, no lies, no secret anything. If you give positive energy, people will accept it. If you do bad things, people will be bad. If you can be honest, people will like it.

Christian: The guy in the hat, open your heart. Also… big David wants in on this.

David Sr: You have to be careful when you submit a video to America’s Funniest Home videos, they own it. Don’t give anything up. Read the contracts.

Christian: We’re going to end it here… please join me in thanking all our presenters.

Mike Bender (Awkward Family Photos)
Jonathan Standefer (Lamebook)
Helen Killer (Regretsy)
Douglas Chemack (Awkard Family Photos)
Brad O’Farrel (Play ‘em off Keyboard Cat)
Johannes Grenzfurthner (monochrom)[Moderator]

While we didn’t bring Goatse (sorry/you’re welcome about that), ROFLCon would be remiss to not spend a moment talking about the awkward on the web. Bringing together some of the folks that have done the most to commentate and celebrate that unique kind of fail on the web in the recent year, this panel examines the role that awkward things play on the web culture.

Recorded by: @flourish & @dandthengensaid
Edited by: @alexleavitt

NOTE: This is not a full transcription of the panel. If you have any corrections, please contact alex@roflcon.org.

Johannes: Who wants to start? … Why is your specific product – I mean – you make people laugh about other people. Why don’t you feel bad about it? And why does your culture still exist?

Helen: It’s a lot of fun to laugh at other people’s misery.

Johannes: So please, Mrs. Killer, tell me about your special service and why you think people like so much?

Helen: I think we have become a nation of pussies and liars and cowards and I think that not everything is good nor is it as good as everything else and when you force people to be relentlessly positive you create a rising bubble of discord and letting people puncture that is very satisfying. At least I’m satisfied.

Johannes: I cannot get any satisfaction from this answer. Your special product. Tell about it. There is something really funny cat playing, and you combine it with something really horrible?

Brad: It was a video of a person in a wheel chair falling down the stairs but it was kinda their own fault, and they were trying to ride down by grabbing on to it. I mean it was appropriate because even though they were handicapped they were still stupid. It wasn’t cruelty that wasn’t asked for by being stupid.

Johannes: I expect that. Profiting from cruelty, I expect it. How did it emerge? So you put it on YouTube or something and one guy said ha and two guys said Ha and two million guys said Ha and….?

Brad: I just started seeing video responses that were parodying it, and I submitted it to the editors at YouTube, and that’s what set it off to get more parodies. I don’t think there’s much more to it than that.

Johannes: Who of you does the Lamebook? You do the Lamebook. The thing that you do, the Lamebook, can you associate with your fellow companions here?

Jonathan: Yeah, I don’t think I can put it as well as she did. I run it with my friend Matt and we started it mostly as a way to vent because we were like man there are lot of lame people on Facebook. We gotta vent. We gotta find a place to put all this stuff to vent.

Johannes: How many people know Lamebook? [claps from audience] …enjoy Lamebook? [claps from audience] Think it’s disgusting crap? [a few hands]

Jonathan: Like people who were doing lame stuff.

Johannes: Like masturbation or… ? I don’t know… ?

Jonathan: Actually we’re going to change the name to masturbation book and only post that stuff. Well, speaking sexually, someone sneezed on her, and she thought now she had diabetes, and they said no it’s not contagious, but she also has hepatitis, which I can only assume is a combination of hepatitis and herpes. There is a lot of comedic gold on Facebook.

Johannes: So it’s all user submitted or?

Jonathan: It’s all user submitted, we probably get about 1000 a day of user submissions.

Johannes: When was your first post?

Jonathan: We bought the domain about a year and a half ago, but we started posting about a year ago. We’re just a baby.

Johannes: Awkward family photos. That’s a technology we understand, we can relate to that. So you have this site, people posts picture of other people who look stupid… ?

Mike: On our site, 99% of the photos are submitted by people in the photos.

Johannes: Oh really?

Mike: Yes.

Johannes: Say I’m a classical Midwestern boy born 1975, I look stupid when I’m 10 in 1985, I rediscover the picture and put it online and let the world laugh about me… ?

Mike: Yes.

Johannes: That’s a pretty simple concept. Why?

Mike: I think well, in general, most of us have been humiliated when taking a family photo at some point in our lives, so I think it’s something that most people can relate to, even in the Soviet Republic. I think it’s just a very relatable subject.

Johannes: Yeah! That’s why I guess it was the only panel they gave me to talk about humiliation and stuff. Uh… yeah. So. Are there any stories you could take about one specific image that’s — I got print-out, I mean I always get print-out because our bandwidth is so slow — there is this picture of an old lady, young lady, giant white hair. And that was kind of viral, people reblogged, reTumbled it. So what are your favorite images and the favorite images of the world?

Mike: We have a photo called iContact, it looked seeming like it was normal family photo, but they were sitting, but there was only one eye visible, so it was just a strange photo and it took people a while to catch on to it. We got a photo called The Dribbler, and he’s just gone to the bathroom and he’d peed on himself just a little bit, and now he actually signs his emails The Dribbler.

Johannes: It happens often that people get famous because they’re stupid and then they have to get adjusted to it. Like — if five million people know you as the Dribbler, then you are the Dribbler.

Mike: He’s not The Dribbler.

Johannes: Favorite photo?

Doug: We have an Easter photo of an Easter bunny that appears to have jaundice, and it was really freaking out the girl sitting on it’s lap, and it really opened up an area no one knew existed about people sitting on the laps of freaky bunnies.

Johannes: So it creates a memetic long tail of similar pictures?

Doug: It started a long line of people remembering that they had similar photos and then they’d find them and post them for us.

Johannes: It almost sounds like a self-help group.

Doug: It’s a celebration of all our awkwardness, which was sort of our goal.

Johannes: I like this. I like this. If I could be able to access Facebook I would like it I guess. Okay. Going back to you Mr. Cat, in lack of other terms, why — tell the story of how you actually found — the video of the nice cat playing keyboard was not yours, so you violated copyright, yes?

Brad: Yes. The video was filmed before I was born by Charlie Smith (he was born in 1986), he filmed the cat, I basically used it for making fun of people. I didn’t have his permission at the time, but once it started taking off, I wanted his permission, but I also didn’t want him to take everyone else down, so everyone could violate his copyright. It ended up working out well for both of us, because he’s been able to franchise keyboard cat way more than I have.

Johannes: I think it’s always good to violate copyright and then make money! The Chinese actually make a very good deal with this I guess. We don’t really like this. I think they are like a dog giving milk to the wrong puppies, but — let’s leave it like this. You are born in 1986 the year of the disaster at Chernobyl. So what do you think will be the future of people laughing at other people on the internet? It seems like a very interesting medium for such a thing. First there was porn, now there is never ending laughter! A utopia of humiliation. So what do you like best to humiliate people on the internet?

Brad: I guess like on the internet all anyone had is their ego, and you can only really see people get embarrassed on the internet, but you can’t really kill someone on YouTube. But people really like to see people get their ego hurt, it’s the most fun thing to do on the internet.

Johannes: But what is the difference between something like a jackass and the stuff that you do except that they’re making more money than you?

Brad: They are making fun of themselves and I’m making fun of other people. I guess everyone is making fun of other peoples.

Johannes: OK, they say it’s a service for them and for all of us and you say I just laugh at people. You’re almost like Steve Jobs and they’re like Bill Gates… maybe it’s wrong.

Brad: Well, sort of. I guess everyone is making fun of other people.

Brad: Yes? Kind of?

Johannes: What do you think — that’s why we’re all here making fun, that’s the point.

Helen: Yeah, that’s why I came here from CA is to do this.

Johannes: And burning lots of kerosene, I guess. Basically the same question: What’s your favorite project on the internet about other people making fun of other people?

Helen: I really don’t know what that question was. Is there something I’ve done that I like? Or?

Johannes: I mean — what is the thing that you like about making fun of other people on the internet?

Helen: What do I like about making fun of other people on the internet. Well it’s fast. People complain about the anon on this site. The thing you like is that you let people hide behind this veil of anonymity. Some people don’t have a problem putting their name on it. But that’s how it’s structured. If you go to anywhere, YouTube, people post comments from behind a screen name. The anonymity has never really been a problem for me.

Johannes: How many people use your site? How many people please here? [hands and claps] Not so many!

Helen: How many is yours?

Johannes: We don’t even have one so…

Helen: So it’s not.

Audience Member: What site do you like?

Helen: I like Brad O’Ferrell who blogs LOLcats. I look at that every day and I steal things from it. You don’t really make fun of people as much as you might think I do. That picture of I could kill you with my bear hands. They’re hand puppets! Bear hands.

Helen: They were doing a story on the WSJ asking about the blog, but I don’t have any anymore, I just read aggregators, you have to get everything so fast, I mean you only get 140 characters on Twitter, and you have to be done. If you like something, you can go to read more about it, but it’s so fast.

Johannes: I think most people don’t even read the YouTube comments!

Helen: Just the hidden ones.

Johannes: There has to be some incentive to read them, that’s right. Now: you. Same question. What do you recommend? All these people are sitting there with their handheld phones and they want to instantly laugh at other people’s misfortune. Where should they go?

Jonathan: Are you guys familiar with dontevenreply.com?

Johannes: Don’t Even Reply?

Jonathan: It’s one of our favorites. It’s this guy, I don’t know who it is, he pretty much trolls Craigslist and messes with people. A guy is looking for a car for his 16 year old, and he lists all these things wrong with the car and just keeps listing things for $2k, and the guy replies and says “Are you serious? and he replies with more things wrong with it… Or one with people looking for a caterer for their wedding. And he listed his menu which is like crackers and cheese whiz on it and PB&J sandwiches.

Johannes: OK. Yeah that’s the thing there are so many possibilities out there to laugh about other people’s misfortune. How could we actually find all that?

Jonathan: I don’t know.

Johannes: In the meantime the generations of such sites, it’s like two weeks, a site is updated, then another. I remember a site named ‘fuck my life.’ Can you relate to ‘fuck my life’?

Mike: Yeah, we know the site. Yeah, definitely, I mean who hasn’t felt like fuck my life at some point, or had something really awkward or bad happen to them, yeah, it’s totally relatable.

Johannes: OK. Do you think that in the future, because your site works that old family photos will be put up online. If we fast forward the next ten years, there’s all this discussion of privacy and all the young kids they put all their stuff on Facebook — but isn’t the whole generation putting their stuff on Facebook and the people who don’t won’t get hired because they’re suspicious? You don’t put your stuff up: who are you? Why is there no puking picture of you on the internet?

Mike: Hm. I’ll tell you this much. Occasionally on our site we will people on Facebook like kids in high school will put up pictures of them on Facebook, and we’ll find out from the other person that they were putting it up there to make fun of them at school.

Johannes: Are there stories about that? That’s very interesting. You click there and you have such power in your grasp – how can you actually be fair or do you have to be fair? Equidistance?

Doug: Basically the policy of the site to make it feel as family and celebratory, when people find out that there is a photo sent in of them, we’ll take it down, because that’s not the purpose of the site.

Johannes: So part of the site is only people who are in the picture can submit the picture.

Doug: That’s the idea of the site.

Johannes: That narrows down the possibility of abuse, but you know, there is 4chan, and — wasn’t there something like Denial of Service attack on your site, like, if a million people start putting up their pictures, how much time do you take to verify the identity?

Doug: There is no way to verify the ID when dealing online, so we have an honor system. Once we’re notified that it’s been put up by someone else, then we’ll take it down.

Doug: Very often people are letting their family know that they’re going to put the picture off. It reconnects families. We have entire threads of photos that are people posting pictures of their family. Like The Dribbler they’re like “Oh my god, I remember that…”

Johannes: So you, you, you helped the Dribbles, in a certain way.

Doug: We helped the Dribbles.

Johannes: That’s very nice of you. So. Do you have your own site, Mr. Cat? Where do you put your stuff on? Are you maintaining a site?

Brad: Not really, I have like a YouTube and Tumbler and a Twitter, I don’t have like a Keyboard Cat homepage or anything. That was the end of my answer. I wanted to ask you something. You guys were talking about you guys were talking about how most of your pictures have implied consent, do you have trouble with your stuff with people getting angry and dealing with copyright stuff.

Helen: Well, yeah, they do, but it’s comment and criticism, and so it’s not a copyright infringement, and stuff gets sold! I mostly get comments that it’s not nice, and I don’t really care, honestly. I’ll take it down if you ask me to but if you comment and you’re calling people a fucktard and things — no. That happens a lot, people get in a flame war and they go ‘oh I want to take this down’ and I’m like, oh, no, you’re playing now. But occasionally you get people, every once in a while, maybe 1 of every 6 people have really been kind of unhinged. I put one down the other day that was a black guy who was naked and wearing a map of Africa map as a necklace on his ass and he was calling it a butt shield and he wrote to me and said I was a racist and making sexually harassing comments and I was like dude your ass is in your listing! He turned me over to the police, and then he turned me into Facebook for hate speech which got me taken down for all of an hour, then he started sending me photos for lynching. I took it down pretty early, but then it kept going on. He wrote a letter to Random House to try to get my book deal taken away. A lot of people get bent out of shape and they say “If you don’t like my stuff then just don’t look it! and I’m going to get your site taken down!

Brad: Not everyone fully realizes that when you put something on the internet you’re opening yourself up to people.

Regret: People think it’s like a family album and only their friend will see it.

Brad: It’s not like it’s deviant art. They’re trying to sell this crap.

Regret: Yeah and it’s not like I’m going into their living room. They’re selling it.

[from the audience]: How does Etsy feel about Regretsy?

Helen: You know, they’re amazing. The first email I got from them I was still undercover, and they found me, and I was like SHIT. And I was already to go commentary and wide birth and blah blah. And they said “Could you just not use our colors?” And I was like “Okay, thanks, bye!”. They’ve been quoted in articles as saying it’s driving traffic to our site and helping people sell stuff and it’s been great.

Johannes: So the Etsy people are human beings!

Helen: Yes, which is more than you can say for some of the sellers! as business people they understand that it’s driving sales and they’ve been great about it.

Brad: It’s like three wolf moon, the joke’s gonna sell the product.

Helen: Like I say, if you make wall art with masturbating dinosaurs they’re not going to find you via a key word search.

Johannes: Isn’t it more and more important nowadays to talk legalese? Maybe it would make more sense to put your work up elsewhere? In India or somewhere? So it can’t be taken down?

Helen: I don’t know. I don’t think it’s governed. There are no internet police, if you were talking about out sourcing.

Johannes: Not outsourcing! If the server is somewhere else, then the local laws are there –

Brad: Well, for like child porn and killing people, maybe. If you’re just making fun of people the FBI doesn’t really care.

Helen: So far we’re safe.

Johannes: What are you trying to do in the future? Is there any more growth in your site, or – is it just going to be? Lamebook – you will not be able to sell it to Google or something.

Jonathan: Yeah I don’t think we could sell it to Google. We got a book deal, which will come out in the fall. We plan on keeping it around for a while, it is unbelievable how much content we get and how much people submit.

Johannes: So you’re digging through all the stuff and finding ‘best-of.’

Helen: What’s the permissions for that?

Jonathan: As far as that goes, for profile picture, they can send their photos in and you can use them as a book. By doing this you might be admitting that you have an STD in our book.

Helen: So you don’t need to get approval of people who make the content?

Jonathan: We’re not IDing them, Facebook is all public content, so we don’t have to worry about it.

Johannes: How long will it last?

Jonathan: I don’t know how long it’s going to last.

Johannes: Will there be a coffee table book of awkward family photos coming ou?

Mike: We have a book coming out May 4! Next week!

Johannes: Pitch it! Pitch it! They’re sitting here!

Mike: The book is a collection of ones we really like from the site, 1/4 of it are pictures people have never seen, we had to go out and get permissions from all these families. We have photos we have stories we have people telling stories about the pictures. We have people writing to us, and sometimes the things they’re writing is even funnier than what we write about it.

Johannes: So we can look forward to stuff that was never ever seen by the public.

Mike: The majority of the book is stuff people have never seen. We’ve been getting stuff we wanted to post but we put it aside because the publisher wanted us to.

Johannes: How long did it take you to get all the waivers signed for the book?

Mike: Doug did a lot of that work and it took six months. And there’s one family that was in the book that was in Latvia so they could get to the fax machine like once a week and there was a lot of chasing them down and.

Johannes: You seem to be the one that cannot publish a book. How do you make money?

Brad: I was actually thinking if anyone wanted to publish this it’d be like a flip book with a greeting card song built in, but I don’t know if that’ll happen.

Johannes: Any investors here? Raise your hand if you’re an investor!

Brad: There was a hot topic shirt for a while, but for some reason hot topic made it like a really feminine girly shirt, but I imagine it’s more of a male audience for keyboard cat, so it didn’t sell too well.

Johannes: Is it from a gendered perspective – many women like it!

Brad: That’s true but they probably wouldn’t… well, I just imagine it’s all young men on the internet who find it funny, I don’t think it’s really girls who shop at hot topic. Clearly not, since it didn’t sell too well.

Jonathan: [to Brad] Can you play the keyboard song?

Brad: I probably can, because it’s been in my head all day. It might not be very good.

Johannes: FAIL! [audience cheers]

Brad: You can kinda remember what it sounds like!

Johannes: You unlearned it?

Brad: Well, I wasn’t the cat, so.

Johannes: Sorry, I mixed it up. – Audience, is there any question from you? OH, they’re up there! Oh. Oh, my non-existent god! Okay, less moderation, okay, okay, ah okay. Panelists! What’s the most amount of IRL harm you’ve managed to inflict making fun of someone?

Brad: I don’t think I’ve inflicted any IRL harm, I’ve been afraid of getting IRL harmed myself. I changed all my passwords and stuff. I didn’t want Anonymous to get me, but they probably will now that I said that.

Mike: What is IRL harm?

audience: IN REAL LIFE!

Johannes: It’s not URL, it’s IRL.

Mike: Still haven’t heard it.

Audience: IN REAL LIFE!!!!

Johannes: But they are the good guys! So I think they wouldn’t tell you even if they did know.

Doug: A family submitted a photo that has a photographers watermark in it, and everyone went to his site and crashed it, and he got pissed at us. I don’t know if this is answering IRL. I think that’s the best IRL sorry I have to tell.

Johannes: It’s actually a legal story?

Doug: With the watermark?

Johannes: I’m so stupid! I didn’t actually understand the story. Now I understand the story.

Helen: I don’t think I’ve harmed anybody to be honest with you, I’m selling a lot of shit. The most harm I’ve done is hurt people’s feelings, people who don’t want criticism of their crochet or toilet paper cozies or thinks their jewelry is really beautiful. I don’t think I’m hurting them. Well I did get an email recently that said YKNOW WE GOT 4,000 HITS TODAY they were really pissed THAT’S LIKE 4 TIMES WHAT WE USUALLY GET and I was like well, congrats, that’s wonderful! And they said it doesn’t do me any good if they don’t buy anything! If you look at your views on Etsy, if you look at the number of times people look at your work. Those are all people who looked at your work and didn’t like it enough to buy it! That’s how it works, lots of people need to see it in order to get it. People get annoyed that I’m sending them traffic, but that’s a really bad lawsuit.

Brad: In general, you’re putting something on the internet, you want people to see it!

Helen: That’s kinda the point, I agree.

Brad: So making fun of people – I mean – that’s what makes people put it up in the first place?

Helen: What about you?

Jonathan: Well, IRL – we haven’t done much, there was one, called Jason’s monster fail. There’s this girl driving into town – she’s like ‘Hey everybody I’ll be there in 2 hours’ to like 10 people, and this guy responds to all, ‘Hey sorry I can’t make it, please don’t tell I slept with Sylvie or whatever. But the girls are in the post. Somehow he finds out about it, and he gets arguing, we’re like don’t do it, just leave it alone. Someone posts his full name, so it turns out he’s an aspiring actor, and it turns out he had some really bad video on YouTube, some short films. He was all right about it at first, but he got really upset about it.

Helen: So is that harm you did or is it harm that he did himself?

Jonathan: Good question! We’ll put it back up tomorrow!

Johannes: OK, another one: At the beginning did you rely solely on your own searching of the internet? Re: what is posted on your sites, has your job become easier or harder as you’ve become more popular?

Mike: Yeah, it started with a photo that was actually in my family’s house. We had some family and friends give us awkward family photos, we took a few from the internet. What ended up happening was as we started to get more traffic, people started recognizing themselves and we were like “Oh shit, we’re going to get killed” and instead they were like “Well, if you think that’s awkward, check out this one!” and it’s sort of continued from there. But has it gotten easier? Yeah, for sure. Now they come in and we’re amazed every time we come in and we open them and we can’t believe that somebody sent in a picture of a water birth, so yes, it’s gotten easier.

Johannes: Your stuff is at YouTube so you just have to look at the replies and –

Brad: I don’t have to do anything, I just got to take credit for people remixing my thing.

[audience cheers]

Johannes: That’s how you do it! Maximal impact, minimal input! Except that you have a really nice costume, that’s max input too. – Regretsy?

Helen: It’s actually gotten harder because in the beginning everything was amusing and new, but you can only see so many needle felted vaginas before you just don’t care anymore. It’s sort of like a drug, you need more and more to get high. So you’re going through and you’re like, Oh yeah, Jesus on a tampon, big fucking deal. People who like the site are having the same experience, their level of torture is getting higher too. You never know what you’re going to hit with people, so I just put up stuff that I think is funny, and I hope people like it. But I do get, um, I get thousands of submissions and I only post three times a day. And a lot of stuff has already been posted and they haven’t gone back far enough to see. Like RearGear – the girl who makes stickers for dog asses so you don’t have to see them in a park? And she’s posing next to a dog’s ass with a daisy on it and I didn’t put it up because I don’t like her, and I don’t want to put it up. But I get that submission like 6 times a day so I finally put it up. It just gets harder and harder to post things that are still funny.

Jonathan: Pretty much the same thing, yeah, we get RearGear all the time – we don’t have any recurring ones. We’ve gotten a few. I went back and looked at the old ones and they weren’t really that funny. At the time I guess they were but the bar just keeps getting higher and higher.

Audience Member: Do people fake content for you guys?

Jonathan: Yeah, we think so, but it’s pretty obvious, but if you’re on the Facebook you have the option to delete stuff. We’ve had people try to post some bad Photoshop jobs.

Helen: I get that too, the people on the site call it Regretsy-bait. People trying a little too hard, they’re a little too self-aware. But it gets by me sometimes, and I feel like if you’ve created this persona and I don’t catch it then I guess you deserve your 4 minutes of infamy.

Johannes: Okay, there is a really good one hurl the moderator into the sun. Like capital letters and them imo, but if you shout I guess you don’t need the imo. But it is a panel about awkwardness so you don’t make fun of it! Helen Killer is a sudden burst of cogency, can we let Helen moderate this… no. Lamebook: did you start out just posting your friends’ idiotic comments?

Jonathan: Yeah, mostly friends unfortunately, but I think we only did about 10-12 of our friends and started putting it up before they started getting submissions, and I had been talking about some Harry Potter someone took a screen shot and submitted it. And I was like “Yeah, I deserved that” Most of our friends who are on it know about it.

Johannes: OKAY! Can we… Helen, complaining about me, we’re used to it, it’s fine, there aren’t any new ones? So I have to think of a new question. How much time do we have left? Could you find out? That would be really nice. So. Your first comment, by your predecessor, the Keyboard Cat guy, how was it to meet someone who made you famous before born?

Brad: I just met him like right over there about an hour ago. I mean, I’ve been emailing with him for some times, and I’ve been emailing him.

Helen: The original shirt under glass? So cute. He’s so cute.

Johannes: And he will be on a panel tomorrow, no?

Brad: I’ve barely looked at the schedule, but I think so.

Johannes: Has anybody ever found themselves on Lamebook?

Jonathan: I hope not. You guys know what I look like now! Huh? Mm, no. That’s kind of… tits tits? Something with tits. Teddy bear on the screen has a camel toe. Huh. [audience goes wild] Oh yeah yeah yeah! That’s kind of true. Ah. This panel proves that there’s good awkward and bad awkward. Eh, not bad, not bad? What can we say? There are no good questions on here. Then I would ask you for a last tweet – 140 characters of each of you that makes all the people here go out there and feel happy about humiliation.

Jonathan: Thanks for reading Lamebook, lol, omg.

Brad: Pass

Helen: You can pass though. I’m just going to pass right back to you though. You can think about it.

Brad: Pass again?

Mike: I guess next time you take a digital photo, and you’re thinking of erasing one because something is really bad about it, keep it, and send it to us. That’s a little long, but…

Johannes: There are so many pictures. You can find them at the flea market because they are on the CDROM and no one can read them in 10 years. A big hand for the panelists. It was a pleasure trying to moderate this whole thing. I know you hate me, but I know that it’s good. It comes from my soul, it goes straight to your brain, and I will go home and say I succeeded.

Keep a heads up on this blog for postings of the liveblogs for each panel in the coming days.

In the meantime, enjoy the fact that the third-highest search term that redirected to our site over the weekend was “rolfcon.”

We’re very happy to announce a slew of exciting things happening on Saturday that you definitely don’t want to miss. They all involve internet celebrities AND/OR dancing! What more could you ask for?

***Dance with Matt Harding***

Matt, of “Where the Hell is Matt” fame, is shooting one of his famous dancing videos at ROFLCon this year at 1:30PM on Saturday during the lunch break. If you are interested in learning a short dance and becoming internet famous, there will be a group leaving from where the pizza is 5 minutes before, or you can just make your own way over here.

***ChatRoulette Bingo, Round Two, FIGHT!***

Dr. Beth Coleman and her CMS.100 class have created a ChatRoulette Bingo game for ROFLcon participants and fans of emoticon-based games everywhere. The first sound on Friday was EPIC.

There will be a repeat session on Saturday from 1 – 2 PM during lunch in the Bartos lobby of E15. Beth reports that initial playtests saw “lots of laughs, participation, and full frontal nudity…” What’s not to love??

***TopatoCo Signing Schedule***

Thanks to the amazing comic artist wrangling skills of TopatoCo VP Holly Post, a wide assortment of webcomic masters will be available to autograph things, shake hands, and kiss babies throughout Saturday at the TopatoCo merch table outside 26-100.

11-12 Ryan North, Dinosaur Comics
12-1 Zach Weiner, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
1-2 Wes & Tony, Amazing Superpowers
2-3 Emily & Joey, A Softer World
3-4 Jeph Jacques, Questionable Content

***ROFLafterparty at Machine’s No Tomorrow***

I was going to write something clever, but I can’t top this poster:

ROFLCON AFTERPARTY AT MACHINE!!!111!!one!!!1!1!!one!
1254 Boylston Street., Boston, MA
21+, $5 cover ($10 after midnight)

(Many thx to Mike McKay and the No Tomorrow team for getting up close and personal with the Goatse hands to make this poster, and for having us!)

#0 – Actually get to MIT! But once you’ve arrived, check in to Foursquare at ROFLcon II.

#1 – Upload your pictures to Flickr. Tag your pics with “roflcon.” Join and send your photos to the ROFLcon Flickr group so that they’ll appear in the stream on the homepage. License your pictures with a Creative Commons license, so we can feature them in our blog posts!

#2 – Make sure to follow @roflcon on Twitter to stay current with conference updates. Use the #roflcon hashtag, or search for #roflcon to see what other attendees are blabbing about.

#3 – Have questions during any of the panels? Use our nifty backchannel feature! If you want to feel shiny, visit http://roflcon.backchan.nl with your mobile phone to use the mobile-optimized Backchan.nl

#4 – Watch the homepage for liveblogs of all those panels you missed.

#5 – Or, if you don’t feel like reading, watch on of the live video streams from each panel room!

#6 – If you get lost on MIT’s campus, be sure to check out this handy-dandy notebook webpage.

#7 – Perhaps you fancy some food? Check out this Google Maps page!

#8 – Feel like you need some drinks instead? Browse this alternate map!

#9 – And, of course, you want some WiFi, right? If you find yourself in the Media Lab, use media lab 802.11. For all the other rooms, use MIT GUEST.

#10 – And, as always, check out the online version of the schedule here.

If you had followed our blog during the first ROFLcon, you may have noticed our ultimate plan to liveblog anything and everything going on at the event.

Well, we’re at it again, and we’re looking for one or two good citizens of the Internet to join our team.

If you are charming, engaging, own a laptop, and can type like the wind (btw, the wind types at more than 75 words per minute), send a note of interest to alex@roflcon.org. As perks, you’ll get free admission to the conference, as well as some team schwag and access to special events.

Deadline: noon EST on Wednesday 21 April 2010.

Will you like it?  Maybe!

From the top…

Secretly, most of the ROFLCon team moonlights as an organization called Harvard Free Culture.  In a final, blow-out, year-end event, HFC buried a Zune and an iPod in a ceremony that was “part-Viking, part-mafia.”  It was a Zuneral!  HFC post about the Zuneral here; awesome pictures by Dave here.

Also (and this is definitely self-serving), witness: the Tim & Diana Show, hosted by me (Diana Kimball) and the illustrious Tim Hwang.  It happens on Saturdays.  It is usually about 8 minutes long.  It is never called “the Tim & Diana Show.”  Maybe you will watch it!

I can tell you with probably about 107% confidence that more absurd projects will be coming down the pipeline.  We can’t seem to stop working together, so I think we’re just going to keep making up excuses!  Even when those excuses involve unscripted fake talk shows, and spatula’ing wet concrete into red plastic buckets.

And then there are the blogs.  So many blogs.  And Twitter accounts.  And Tumblrs.  See:

Tim Hwang—blogging at The U.S. Bureau of Fabulous Bitches, Twitter at timhwang.

Christina Xu—blogging at ComPromise, Tumblr here, Twitter at chrysaora, Flickr here.

Dean Jansen—heading up DRMisDeadToMe.org, working on YouTomb with a bunch of other friends & associates of ROFLCon.

Carrie Andersen—Tumblr/blog at Identity is the Meaning of Surface.

Rachel Popkin—blogging at www.rachelpopkin.com,  Tumblr at qwerticious, Twitter at arrkay.

Kevin Driscoll—blogging/portfolio’ing at kevindriscoll.info, DJ work at lonewolf, Twitter at desconcentrado.

Natalie Bau—blogging/Tumblr at econgirl.

Oliver Day—blogging at zeroday.

Susannah Roush—Twitter at wombatina.

…And, finally, yours truly! Diana Kimball—blogging at dianakimball.com, Twitter at dianakimball, Tumblr at sleuth.

So many services with unmelodious names!  We only hope you’ll find the writing and pictures and miscellany on these strange websites at least a little bit melodious.

Keep in mind that this is far (far far far) from being a full list of everyone who worked on ROFLCon.  It’s strongly biased toward people with TWELVE MILLION ACCOUNTS on twelve million different services, too!  But you’re the one who asked, “Where Are They Now?”* And this is everything I know, for now.

So here’s where we are.  Thanks for coming along for the ride, and I hope you find something new to love today! Here or, you know.  Out in nature somewhere.

*Actually, you’re not, but: details, details!

*Also, psst: ROFLCon Internet Cult Leaders panel moderator  Professor Christopher Kelty is coming out with a book!  Two Bits.  It’s about free software.  It’s also looks totally amazing.  Nice work, honorary fellow team member!

Moderator: Anil Dash (Six Apart)Panelists: Matt Haughey (Metafilter), Josh Schacter (del.icio.us), Alexis Ohanian (Reddit), David Lloyd (OCRemix), Drew Curtis (Fark.com)

• Q:What did you do before you started? Reddit: student trying to avoid going to law school. Metafilter: I was a designer/programmer. Fark: Running an ISP. Overclock Remix: Going to highschool. Doing radio.
• Q: Does print legitimize you? A: I want to say no, but yes. A: We got into New York Times. We got into a couple magazines that have since gone under.
• Q: Do you do it for a living? A: Yes. A:Yes. A: Remixing video game music … yeah we’re poor. No. We’re doing a remix soundtrack for Street Fighter HD.
• Q: Community leanings? A: Mario, Chrono Trigger, Squaresoft. A: Web obsessives. A: Ron Paul, Lispers, Paul Graham fans
• Q: How would you change your communities? Metafilter: Nothing. Reddit: Buy more t-shirts? Remixes: More diversity. Don’t go with lowest common denominator.
• Q: Do your communities reflect you? Metafilter: Sort of. Reddit: I hope not.
• Q: How much interaction between sites? Remixes: We submitted our new FF7 album to Fark… it didn’t get in. Fark: We believe in cross-pollination. Metafilter: Fark links used to cripple our site.
• Q: Control: Reddit has the least, Metafilter has elitism built in. Fark: Editor approval. Influences the government. Remixes: About 10 submissions a day, we examine them very carefully. Our community has a very high standard.
• Q: How do you wield your power? Fark: Tried to bump up a stock price. Didn’t work. Reddit: Mr. Splashypants, stop humpback whaling. Japanese gov’t stopped whaling season.

Panel gets rick rolled through question submission.

• Q: How do you feel about marketers. A: I hate marketers. A: Message to marketers: Things just happen organically, we couldn’t stage the Mr. Splashypants phenomenon if we wanted to. A: If you’re legit, people will accept you.
• Q: Super star users stealing the spotlight? Reddit: We support them. None have turned or abandoned us to our knowledge. Metafilter: Cut off the bad ones. Fark: We have a bunch of strong microcommunites. Check out Kelly Keagan. Remix: We have a broad userbase and new talent is always coming in to fill the void left by old talent.
• Q: Do you keep tabs on each other or use each others’ sites? A: No. A: No. A: Remix – if we’re competing with these other guys, we’re losing pretty badly.
• Q: Do you have IP issues? Remix: We’re in a grey area. We chose our battles wisely. Fark: All major news outlets use us as a source. We would like to get some cred, but there are legal issues about product placement if we get mentioned. Writers like to avoid those kinds of issues. Metafilter: It would be nice if they linked back. Reddit: Major news sites should rip us off more. They’d get better content.
• Q: Community in-jokes? A: Wake up sheeple! A: They show strong community, but are kind of confusing for newcomers.
• Q: US-centricity? Remix: We’re doing translations. Japanese is the biggie. Reddit: 40% of hits are from outside the US.
• Q: Can anyone in your community create a meme? A: Yes, but not on purpose. Remix: Your best bet is to take two things from different sources and combine them.

Thanks Randall (I forgave you when you messed up my sticker order, but this…) keep up the good work team

Update: To be fair it was before the new store launched and he gave me a second batch of stickers free.

This is why we came here.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dantekgeek/2442800725/

Performances by:

-Lemon Demon

-Group X

-Leslie Hall (Leslie and the LYs)

-Trocadero (Red vs. Blue)

-Denny Blaze (the Average Homeboy)

Amazing? Of course it was.

As announced yesterday we are no longer taking requests for registration name changes, so if you want to switch your registration you either better have a friend that looks like you (identical twin perhaps?) or a good fake ID. Any emails asking me about this will not just get a form link to this post. As you may have noticed our nifty countdown bar is down to less than 2 days, so we need to focus on things like making sure all the celebrities get here, printing out name tags, and getting all the awesome schwag together. Looking forward to seeing you there!

Matt from Reg

Just wanted to make a quick update to the email everyone attending should have gotten. On Friday night Second Skin is playing at the Somerville Theater in Davis Square as part of the Boston Independent Film Festival. Unfortunately, the link was broken, so if you’re interested in attending, check it out here.

(if this link breaks, google “second skin” or “boston independent film festival”)

These amazing ROFLCon wallpapers are courtesy of Dino from Bert is Evil. He has agreed to let us share them as Creative Commons (CC-BY). Thanks, Dino!

1024×768 1280×1024 1440×900	1024×768 1280×1024 1440×900

Ian Spector, Executive Director of internet staple Chuck Norris Facts, recently introduced me to a friend of his, Joe Peacock, over at the Mentally Incontinent project. After some talking, he agreed to take us up on our open offer for memes to come out and chill in the audience at ROFLCon and meet their fellow celebs. Happy to add another one to our number, we agreed, and I’m happy to announce that Joe will be attending in April!

Mentally Incontinent is a pretty slick crowdsourcing project based around the fact that Joe really really likes to tell stories. Essentially, he writes a bunch of stories, and then his readers form an editorial base that comments and chooses which ones will go into the eventual book that he’s compiling. Nice? Very nice.

(possibly the most singularly unsettling Xmas LOLCat of all time)

Anyways, happy holidays from the ROFLCon Team!

Although it’s technically vacation, we’ve been hard at work hammering out sponsorships, venues, a preliminary schedule, and the press presence at the event to bring the sweet internet culture goodness to you this coming spring.

The good news is: registration is good to go – we’ve just gotta make one last call to Harvard to get some logistical stuff sorted out. All depends on when those folks get into the office, so I’m guess we’ll be fully operational within a few days after the New Years.

Sorry about the delay on this, we’ve been getting your e-mails wondering about what happened to pre-registration: December really blows in terms of getting stuff done — the necessary non-ROFLTeam people handling stuff with Harvard have been outta the office. Jerks.

Plus, we’ll be routing the preliminary schedule around to the confirmed guests in a few days. Once we get their comments/revisions, it’ll be posted up here on the blog.  Stay tuned…